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| Author | Jokes !!! |
|---|
for StevieGerrard:
good one | | A Paksitani boy got admission in an American school.
Teacher: What's your name ?
Boy: Ahmad
Teacher: No, now you are in America your name is Johny from today.
Boy went home. Mom Asked: how was the day Ahmad?
Boy: I am an American now call me Johnny.
Mom & Dad both got offended and beat him up.
Next day he was back to school, all bruised.
Teacher: What happend Johnny?
Boy: Ma'am, just 4 hours after I became American, I was attacked by two Pakistanis. | A precious little girl walks into a Petsmart store and asks, in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"
As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit,or a thoft and fuwwy, bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?"
She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice, "I don't think my python weally gives a thit." | | for Igles: #503 was superb! | A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns to tell their adventures on the seas. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg leg, hook, and an eye patch. Curious, the seaman asks "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"
The pirate replies "I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off".
"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about the hook"?
"Well...", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand clean off."
"Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch"?
"A seagull dropping fell into my eye", replied the pirate.
"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked.
"Well..." said the pirate, "That was my first day with the hook." | Three rats are sitting at the bar talking bragging about their bravery and toughness.
The first says, "I'm so tough, once I ate a whole bagful of rat poison!"
The second says, "Well I'm so tough, once I was caught in a rat trap and I bit it apart!"
Then the third rat gets up and says, "Later guys, I'm off home to harass the cat."
---
A man walks into a bar one day and asks, "Does anyone here own that rottweiler outside?"
"Yeah, I do!" a biker says, standing up. "What about it?"
"Well, I think my chihuahua just killed him..."
"What are you talkin' about?!" the biker says, disbelievingly. "How could your little runt kill my rottweiler?"
"Well, it seems he got stuck in your dog's throat!" | A prisoner in jail received a letter from his wife:
"I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"
The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all the mail, replied in a letter:
"Dear Wife, whatever you do, DO NOT touch the back garden! That is where I hid all the gold."
A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife:
"You wouldn't believe what happened. Some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up the whole back garden."
The prisoner wrote another letter:
"Dear wife, NOW is the best time to plant the lettuce!"
---
A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.
"I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, "...I would do...anything."
He returns her gaze. "Anything?"
"Anything."
His voice softens. "Anything??"
"Absolutely anything."
His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you...study?" | | ha ha, great ones #506 and #508 | The fox gets to know that the bear has a Black List. He skulks up to the bear and asks him stuttering:
-Uhhh... Bear,... er do you, er really have a Black List, do you?
-I do.
-And... well, you are going to kill, er everyone who is on it?
-Yes.
-Eh... Am I on it?
-You are.
-And you are going to... er kill me?
-Yes.
-May I please say good bye to my family?
-All right, do it quick.
The fox goes home, says good bye to his family then returns to the bear who tears him apart.
The wolf also heard something about the Black List and feels rather uneasy about it, so he too decides to talk with the bear.
-Good day, bear. Say, do you really have a Black List?
-Yes.
-And am I on it?
-You are.
-Oh... so I guess you are going to kill me?
-Indeed.
-Can I go home to say good bye to my family?
-Yes, but be quick.
The wolf does so and when he returns, the bear tears him apart.
The bunny is skipping happily around in the forest and meats the bear.
-Hey, Browny! D'ya really have a Black list and kill everyone on it?
-Yes.
-Wow. And say, am I on it?
-You are.
-Would ya just delete me, eh?
-Of course.
---
How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving. | | He he BrownBear, great one :p | for Vlaer:
Thanks :)
---
A young woman goes to a cosmetic shop.
"I wish my husband would grant me more attention. Do you, by chance, have some perfume that smells like a computer?"
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- Joe do you say a prayer before eating?
- No. My mum cooks well.
--- | | for BrownBear: Man, your jokes are cool :p | @512:
good jokes :) | Two terrorists were planting a bomb in a car.
"What is the bomb explodes while we are planting it?" asked one of them.
"Don't worry" said the second "I've got a spare bomb" | for Vlaer:
good one too and thx! | A poetry when a boy saw a girl first time....
When I saw you , I was afraid to meet you...
When I met you , I was afraid to kiss you...
When I kissed you , I was afraid to sex you...
When I sex you , now I am afraid to see you!!!!! | for john_CenAa: good one, though
When I sex you
is this correct grammar??? :p | In an engineering college:-
one day all the staff of college (Dean, Professors, Peons) invited to go in an airplane, when they all set on their positions, an announcement made by the air hostess, that this airplane is made by this year's student of that college, each of the staff members went out of the airplane, except one professor, one man asked him
"You are so confident about your student that this airplane can fly properly?"
Professor: "Aah, if this airplane has made by our student, then I am sure that will not going to even start!" | | [Post deleted by moderator BrownBear // Moved to separate thread] |
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