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| Author | Jokes !!! |
|---|
for ParaLeul:
nice one lol XD | What did a pocket say to nother pocket?
I dont have pocket money!!!
Girl1: My father hasnt slept for 99 days
Girl2: Then how is he managing life?
Girl1: He is sleeping in the night!!!
Which house does not have any corner?
A roundhouse | | [Post deleted by moderator ElfPride // ] | | For Moderators : #643 Is a Bad Joke .. | Two drunken men were driving home. The first started screaming, "Jim, watch out for the wall, watch out for the waaaaall!" Baaaaam! They hit the wall. The next day in the hospital the first man asked his friend, "You good for nothing, I've been screaming for you to watch out for the wall, why didn't you?!"
"IT WAS YOU DRIVING!!!" | nice jokes here :D
Player banned by moderator Wertz until 4142-11-19 17:13:55 // BOW | A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat. The police stop him and say that he can't drive around with the penguins in the car and should take them to the zoo. The man agrees and drives off.
The next day the same man is driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back and again. He is stopped by the same police officer who says, "Hey! I though I told you to take those to the zoo."
The man replies "I did. Today I'm taking them to the movies."
(This may have already been posted, I don't remember)
A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer.
"Can you tell me how much you charge?", said the client.
"Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $200 to answer three questions!"
"Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?"
"Yes it is", said the lawyer, "And what's your third question?" | A man goes into the supermarket and orders,
2 rolls of duct tape,
a rope,
a chair,
some handcuffs,
a knife,
a bin bag
and a video recorder.
Price of all those items: 104.60 Dollars.
Cashiers face: Priceless :D | A snail was mugged by a tortoise. The police said "Can you give us a description of your attacker?
The snail said, "no, it all happened so fast!" | Never Ask A Woman Her Age..
A Man, His Salary..
And... Now-A-Days...
A Student, His Percentage..!!
It Hurts... | | https://www.lordswm.com/photo_pl_photos.php?aid=228980 | | for Bullet Dodger: rofl XD | :O Didn't even realise he posted that :DD
(That was one funny fail lmao.)
He messaged me (We did it wrong)
My Reply: -.- | | lol^^ | | It is proven that the celebration of birthdays is healthy. Statistics show that those people who celebrate the most birthdays become the oldest. -- S. den Hartog, Ph D. Thesis Universtity of Groningen. | A while back there was an opening in the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are extremely difficult to fill, requiring an extensive background check, training, and testing before candidates are even considered for the position. After reviewing several applicants and completing all the checks and training, the field was narrowed to the three most promising candidates. The day came for the final test, which would determine which of equally qualified candidates, would get the job.
The final candidates consisted of two men and one woman. The men administering the test took the first candidate, a man, down a corridor to a closed door and handed him a gun saying, "We must be completely assured that you will complete your assignments and follow instructions regardless of the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife, seated in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The man, looking completely shocked said, "You can't be serious! I could never kill my wife." The CIA man said, "Well, then, you're obviously not the man for the job. Take your wife and go home." They brought the next candidate in, the other man, and repeated the instructions. This man took the gun, walked into the room and closed the door. However, after five minutes of silence, the door opened and the man handed the CIA tester the gun, saying, "I just couldn't do it. I couldn't kill my wife. I tried to pull the trigger but I just couldn't do it." The CIA man said, "Well, then, you're obviously not the man for the job. Take your wife and go home."
Then they brought the woman down the corridor to the closed door, handed her a gun, and said, "We must be completely assured that you will complete your assignments and follow instructions regardless of the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your husband, seated in a chair. Take this gun and kill him." The woman took the gun, walked into the room, and before the door closed all the way, the CIA men heard the gun start firing. One shot after another, for thirteen shots, the noise continued. Then all hell broke loose. For the next several minutes, the men heard screaming, cursing, furniture crashing and banging on the walls; then suddenly, silence. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks! I had to beat him to death with the chair!" | | 656 - Nice one indeed :D | A man went to visit a friend of his who worked for the zoo, tending to the elephants but found him crying.
When asked what happened the friend replied that the largest bull elephant had died earlier that morning.
"I'm sorry I didn't know you were so close to the elephant"
"I'm not - I have to bury it." | | ^ lol XD | There was a man driving a pickup truck down a country road, when suddenly he was broadsided by a trailer truck. Some time went by, and the case got to court.
The defense attorney said to the plaintiff, "How can you be suing my client now when you told a trooper after the accident that you felt fine?"
The man replied, "Well sir, it was like this. We was drivin' down the road, mindin' our own business, when a big trailer truck came out of nowhere and creamed us. When I came to, I was in the ditch, and a trooper was pullin' up with his car. He looked at the hogs, and they was 'most dead, so he shot 'em. Then he looked at my dog, and he was hurt real bad, so he shot him. Then he came over to me and he said, 'How you feeling?'"
"I said, I never felt better in my life." |
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