| Forums-->Creative works-->Inner conflict|
1|2Back to topics list
|Again in the evening Cool is full of fears and doubts we nhe is met by Merlin, the grandmaster wizard. " The judgement of necromancers turned poorly i see. " " Grandmaster merlin.. there was demonic mage.. and wizard.. " " Ah.. demonic mage.. those i have been dreading the most. " " But.. PooDelivery.. he is there somewhere " " Necromancer will be fine. Yet his ego will be lowered. " |
Later that day PooDelivery returned to the fortress. he survived, however his army was in tatters. Cool was looking at him from castle windows and ran towards him. " Lord PooDelivery. Thank heavens you are alive. " PooDelivery looked on Cool and said " Alive i have been long times ago and if i was today, i would have raged to high heavens. " Cool loowered his gaze and said " I.. am sorry, i have failed yet again.. " " This one goes to me. I should have trusted grandmaster Merlin, however noone could predict that we meet our combined nemesis on the battlefield. That was pure us or them battle, no tactics involved. You should not feel shame for that because you have done the best you could. " " Still i feel i could do more.. " " You will do. Still you have lots to learn. But eventually some day you will be equal to gradmaster Merlin as he is this day. " " Thank you. " replied Cool. This partially lifted the heavy stone he had on his chest, but still there was uncertainty.
Uncertainty was present in yet another call few weeks later. Cool was at northern line accompanied by barbarian armies of Yashu. Enemies were barbarian and dark elves. Yashu looked upon young wizard and said " I tell you a secret. Shall i? " " What secret? " asks confused Cool " Merlin when he came in here, he always had his arse covered by one of us. That is why he got so powerful. Thanks to us. " Laughed Yashu. Cool confused asked " Really? " " Yeah. No kidding. " Cool shook his head when Yashu said " We are here for you as we were for Merlin. You want to be the asset and you are. Even thou it takes more burned villages, you will be the great as Merlin is, just get on with it. And lets fight! " And with it both barbarian Yashu and wizard Cool started the battle. And ended in decisive victory.
|Poo, this is great stuff. It was a fun read. I enjoyed the plot and the relationship of characters to players. If you keep practising, this won't be the last great piece you write, keep it up.|
The flow was interrupted a little bit by syntactical errors. It is hard to catch them. I recommend using Grammarly. It is free, can be installed as a plugin and it gives great suggestions.
I also really appreciate the simplicity of the prose. It is easy to follow so the reader can focus on the plot. Usage of simple sentences is wonderful. This is something I wish to emulate as well.
Keep it going. Really happy to see someone write and create lore. By the time you get to page 10, you will not like your own work on page 1 :)
|@shubhamgoyal Thank you for the response. I appreciate you like my work. |
As for grammar or grammarly plugin, it is a good hint, however i write on a fly and directly here. Basicly all chapters which are produced, are random sparks of inspiration in one go and if i put it in poems term, they are directly carved to a stone without second thought, so the correction is almost none or minimal.