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   Forums-->Creative works-->

Life of a mofioso



AuthorLife of a mofioso
Series of a mofioso...

A man tied up on steel chains... Each of his hands locked and his neck too with shining and powerful steel chains... He appeared to be unconscious ... Suddenly a voice appeared : MARK!! GET UP!! Why the hell did you do this to us?? we trusted you dumb idiot.
Mark : Just a small revenge my friend (with a bit of satanic voice).
Stranger: You will feel for this , BOYS!! TORTURE THIS DUMB IDIOT GIVE HIM FOOD ONCE A DAY AND PLAY WITH HIM WHENEVER YOU WANT. see you later mark

Days passed, mark was tortured too much in that chamber by shockwave sticks , His soul was tormented he wanted to be free ...... Mark recalls what he did....

Chapter 1 .. soon.....
Player banned by moderator Elrond until 2013-02-22 10:17:36 // Please do not use full caps in the whole sentence
Well, I can see you are very interested in writing stories and you have good imagination, but here are some tips for you:

1. A man tied up on steel chains... Each of his hands locked and his neck too with shining and powerful steel chains... He appeared to be unconscious ...

When you describe a situation, make sure it doesn't look too much what I call direct. Use metaphors, similes, exaggeration among others to add tension in the plot and to indulge the reader into it.

2. Mark : Just a small revenge my friend (with a bit of satanic voice).


Usually for these kind of stories, you put the speaker's sentences in inverted commas, rather than like its done in a play. So this line could better have been:

'Just a small revenge, my friend' said Mark in a hoarse voice, fading away in a satanic grin.

3. Never use capital letters in a story. No. Use language to express feelings, not by making the capital letters stand out form the rest of your text.

4. Take care of your punctuations.

5. The last line is very good. It does make the reader feel 'What will happen next?'
5. The last line is very good. It does make the reader feel 'What will happen next?'


you mean?

Chapter 1 .. soon.....

is very good? :O
for REd Pois0n: ofc not! I meant the last line of the story:

Mark recalls what he did....
Ty for the critics .


Chapter - 1

...... A moonlit night ...... the moon blooming , wolves howling , a horse runs in a forest full of trees and animals and for sure , a rider on it too :D . The rider was a young man , he went through lots of miles and atlast a ruined castle was all that he could see..... he got out of his black horse and shaked his leg to and fro and said " the time has come " .



He walked near the castle door it was lit by the moon's light , he took a pistol out of his hands and knocked the door... no reply came , again he knocked , again no reply , once again he hit the castle door with his pistol it made a huge sound .... then came a reply " ooh so you are here to fulfill the promise ? , aaaah what a surprise your courageous " the young man replied " for sure i am come out and i will show you how to shoot " , the stranger replied " Mark your mouth is big so i doubt you can shoot me (lol)" Mark replied " why don't you come out? rather than being like a baby protected inside??" stranger says " oh ok then there i come " . A man with his face full of stitches , scratches and blood he had no hair , he had a french beard in white colour , he came out with a 7mm pistol and looked around and to his surprise mark was not there the stranger said " so now who is the kiddo? hahaha" Suddenly within a swift gesture a bullet went through his head a satanic grin from mark saying " 1 down 2 more to go " , " now you believe i fulfill promises? i released you from your torment of life , atleast now be a man wherever you live and make sure you treat your family good" .. The stranger's last words " well done son , sorry for treating your mother and you like that , it was my mistake " another bullet went through his mouth suddenly , The stranger died and mark climbed up his horse and started to go away but while he turned his horse he noticed tears from his father's eyes...


Who is mark? why he killed his father? what happened? what promise?

Answers - soon.....
Chapter - 2 The nightmare..

Present - " Mark!!!, wake up boy, its time for your breakfast forgot about it in this tunnel? Ha ha I heard you are a mafia, are you a mafia?" came a voice which awakened Mark , Mark was tortured he was tormented there was blood all over his face and scars on his stomach . Mark began to speak " who are you? i do not need any food ." . The stranger got irritated of the fact that he did not answer his question , mark could see anger on the stranger's face , the stranger came in the dark room and took out something shiny from his pocket , Mark thought it was a knife but it wasn't . It was a shockwave stick which the jailer used to torture Mark , Mark began to scream but the man did not seem to hear it and held the stick tightly and bet mark on his stomach with it " is that enough? give me the answer : are you a damn mafia?" Mark replied " what else would i be to get tortured this much? " Stranger said " tell me what happened im curious at the meantime here is your damn breakfast , your favourite stale bread and rotten leaves sandwich " Mark said " give the food we will eat and speak " time passed Mark said all the things in chapter 1 to the stranger ... days passed then and they both became friends , close friends . Mark found the stranger's name to be brad slithher. Even though brad was a tribulation he wanted to make Mark escape .. he went to mark the evening and asked " you want to get out of here? " mark said " please" Brad gave out a plan .. at night brad came by mark's cell and opened his cell door, within a flash the one who was guarding the cell door was silently killed with a blade .. Brad went into mark's cell and cut off the chains using the shockwave sticks . Brad and mark sighed to each other and brad gave mark a silenced pistol and wished good luck and gave him an address .Mark said thank you and went on, he found no guards in the hall room and proceeded .. he felt something strange.. as he was going to get out of the jail a voice came " hey!! what are you doing"

......To be continued
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