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| Author | A Cat's Diary |
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The old thread has been deleted because of some foul words that were included in this series. i have all of the things i wrote saved on my computer and i will post everything back up but without the foul language (i'll think of something to fill in for it :)" so don't worry guys, i'll still be writing new things just be sure to check in every day, and post up which parts you liked the most. that way i'll know what the audience wants most and will make more of it :)
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Date - 5/20/10
7:00 AM
Hello Dear diary, (I finally decided to start a diary) im so excited. It is 7 am right now assuming my owner's watch is correct. An hour ago, his watch ended up in the aquarium due to my carelessness so i don't even know if i can trust them.
7:10
He's asleep. Completely asleep. I don't even know how to wake this noob up. Im a cat and i demand my food NOW! So if he doesn't wake up now, i'll climb onto the dresser and he'll see how cats can fly...
7:15
Jumped off the dresser. I was off. I was sooo off. I missed so pathetically that instead of landing on my owner's belly (like planned), i didn't even land on the bed. My rear end hurts so much now... i'll look for another way to wake him up.
7:17
While i layed on the floor thinking bout how to wake him up, found some pretty weird circular thingy -- sharpened my claws with it.
7:20
Awesome! This thingy glows and reflects very amusingly when you put it in the sunlight! Oh, almost forgot about breakfast. Hmmm, i wonder if i will miss or not if i drop something heavy on him from the dresser instead of jumping.
7:30
I got him! whoohoo! Now i won't be hungry, the owner is putting the old TV back on the dresser and then he'll feed me! And while i was observing my owner, i kept thinking about that circular shiny thing, what was it for? Oh well. i'll just put it under the couch for now, i'll find out later.
8:00
I ate, now i am not mad at him anymore. By the way, the owner is nervous. He's running all over the appartment and looking everywhere for something called a "CD". I got no idea what that is or who it is but probably something very dangerous, so i won't help him look for it. OK, he stopped looking for it. He said "forget it." Wonder what "forget it" means, got no idea, oh well, the owner left, now i can sleep.
9:00
After a nice long sleep, i went to see what that shiny circular thingy is that i put under the couch.
9:02
I found something written on the thingy. It says "CD". Quick, i gotta hide it somewhere.
9:20
While i was thinking bout where to hide it, i thought maybe throw it out of the window... I threw it, and started looking out that window! And there were birds! Flying and flying... i was determined to catch one.
9:55
I remembered how much i hate birds. But i beat them, with the score of 4:2. Two times i didn't catch the bird and fell out of the window, and Four times i caught them and fell out of the window.
11:00
Owner came back from work in a good mood, fed me, gave some milk, and changed my kitty litter. Well, of course, i AM the highest step of evolution. :)
1:00 PM
Today, no cat has lived through such horror as me. Be cursed, u cursed fishes! I, was sitting near the aquarium looking at the fish as usual. but all of the fish hid in the cover. I tried to look at them from the top, but when i climed, the stupid cover cracked and i fell through into the water!! And all u do was smile u stupid fishes, do u know how long it takes to dry my fur :P
7:00 PM
I dried up, but the owner, (even after all this time) is still cracking up rolling on the floor laughing. Oh well, i don't care, i left him a surprise in his shoes :)
8:00 PM
The owner's friend came over with a small baby human. While they were talking and drinking tea, i was interacting with the baby. I was very hospitable and shared my food and gave him some milk from my bowl. I'm so nice, only the best for the guest. :D | 9:00 PM
No, u won'tbelieve this! This little person DOESN"T know how to lick himself clean. Well i cant just leave him to his terrible fate, i have to teach him this.
9:20
He's very capable. Learns fast, in a couple of minutes, he understood the basics of the licking clean. Maybe I should raise him? Because those at the table forgot all about him. well, he'll be like my son..
9:30
No, he doesn't even know how to scratch behind his ear with his back foot!! What are these adults thinking about!? This poor kid doesn't know anything! How would he catch a mouse if he gets hungry?
9:40
That's it, my dreams of a son are ruined! It's not my fault that this little thing cannot drink out of the toilet! He's such a fine fellow, i almost taught him, but the owner found us at that moment when we were both drinking out of the water tank. In the end, i got screamed on, and the little one got taken away.
10:00 PM
That's it, im tired. This is pretty much my last note for today. While i was cleaning myself before sleep i found that i had grey hair. I can't believe it. i'm getting older so quickly :(
10:03 PM
Oh! my fur is just orange and white that's all. OK now that i know that im not old yet, i'm calm. Now i can sleep. Good night diary. | 5/25/10
10:00 AM
Yesterday i found a bottle of Valerian (an antidepressant for those who don't know) took me a long time to think of a way to open up this scum. Opened! It was soo good, but now i want some water, sleep, to die, and some more Valerian... Well i won't die, and there is no more Valerian so all that's left to do is get some water and go to sleep.
12:00
Well now im much better. The owner keeps teasing me, like HE himself is always holy sober. Oh well, next time i'll roll his bottle of seltzer under the couch so the only thing left in the house is alcohol, we'll see how he laught then. I'm going to sleep some more...
12:30
No, can't fall asleep, keep seeing the the valerian bottle in my sleep, want some more, but no more left. So that means it's time to return to a normal life then. Owner is relaxing on the couch, the cat is hungry, the houshe is a mess! Maybe i should go ask him for food? I wonder if we have any food at all. If not, then the so called "Owner" can send himself to the supermarket and get some food.
1:00
I entered the kitchen. Noticed that as i entered, as soon as my owner saw me, he quickly shut the refrigerator. And he was acting totally strange. I ate, sat down to clean myself, and the owner left the kitchen. I wonder, what is in that fridge? If he doesn't want me to see, that means he's hiding something. I have to get this under control.
1:20
Dang, i opened the refrigerator door but how do i close it!?
1:30
Ok i got it, closed! But now there's so much water everywhere!... Oh well, everything's ok i'll just wipe it up and he will never know. And i was right! He is hiding a pretty big fish in there. Well i am a fair cat so i only ate a half of the fish. What am i some kind of robber or something?
1:40
The fish turned out to taste very bad! What kind of idiotic monster do you have to be to bring home this kind of filth?! Is he trying to poison me?! Oh well, i put the other half of the fish under his bed. He probably won't find it there until next year. And im very disapointed, was hoping for some tasty fish :(
2:00
Owner sat down at the computer, turned on some music and started typing something very quickly. I layed down near him, rolled up in a ball, and started to Meow so loud the whole room was vibrating. This guy didn't even look at me! This made me interested, i wonder what i can do to distract him...
2:40
Tried scratching his feet, climbing the window shades 3 feet away from him, Meow, and even tried to eat the paper in the printer. No reaction. Ok lets try something else. What's that black cord going from the back of his computer to the socket in the wall?
3:00
Oops, that was a bad idea. The moniter went out and the owner's eyes opened up to wide i thought they were going to fall out.
3:02
Owner is running around the room screaming something like:
"stupidcomputerI'minamiddleofa3vs3groupbattle!!!!!!" | 4:10 PM
That's it! now i feel offended! Why isn't he paying any attention to me? Well alright then, i will get my revenge. Right now i climbed under the couch, it's very uncomfortable to write under it, but at least i will teach The owner a lesson, he'll see what happens when he doesn't pay attention to me...
4:30
Still sitting here. That scum didn't even realize that im not around.
4:40
He went to feed me but couldn't find me! Now he's walking around the apartment looking for me... but i won't climb out, and that means that he'll be looking for me for a couple more hours.
4:45
He found me.
4:55
Still sitting here thinking of where i should hide.
5:20
That's it, i stopped thinking about where to hide. i thought of a better revenge, i won't let this skunk sleep the whole night, don't you dare sleep with such a horrible sin in your chest -- a nonfed cat!
6:00
I went to check on the fridge. Checked our provision, found a big baloney. Ate it. Too bad i didn't get out of there in time, because as i was just finishing up, he opened up the refrigerator door and saw me on the top shelf sitting there chewing.
6:05
Why did he have to curse me out and scream at me like that? He better not forget that i live with him and that means that half of the food is mine! And didn't i already write that when i ate half of that fish?
7:00
Im laying here and thinking - why do i even need an owner? Or maybe i just overreacted, i shouldn't have gotten so mad at him. Oh well, i'll still get my revenge at night, im full of determination!
8:00
Owner just returned from the store and bought a bunch of food. But im laying in such an awesome comfortable place! There is a soft fur coat, and a heater right next to me! And besides that, this place is also totally consealed and he cannot see me here!
8:30
The owner is running around looking for me and calling my name for half an hour already... Why didn't i go here from the very beggining? Everything would have been much easier...
10:00 PM
My Owner didn't find me and got very sad, Maybe i shouldn't have been like that... I'll come out now and maybe play with him or something... And at night maybe jump on him once, just to get even :)
12:00 AM
Ok, and now...
12:02 AM
Nah, i don't want to jump anymore. i remembered what happened last time i tried to do that, and this time, it's dark too! I'll just go and lay down near him on his pillow, im soooo tired... | 5/29/10
1:00 PM
Something horrible happened today. A mouse settled in my house!! Yes Yes it's the little annoying rodent that is the cat's job to get rid of! I was hiding there waiting, and waiting to ambush him but this scum doesn't want to crawl out of his hole. I once got him out of there and chased him all around the kitchen. Jumped - and didn't catch him. And the owner's sitting there laughing "You missed, you missed :D".
1:43
Sitting next to the mouse hole, I cant rest knowing that there is a rodent in my house. I don't know, maybe i should get some food to lure him out of there? By the way, im kinda hungry myself....
1:56
I ate. Then got some cheese and put it down next to the hole, and sat down not too far away. Waiting, all the muscles are ready to leap and slash.
2:00
Im so stupid, who would eat anything without milk? I think there's some in the fridge, i'll go check. And fast, the owner might see...
2:05
Came back with the milk, the cheese is missing. Im such a retard...
3:00
Brought some more cheese, some more milk. Sitting here like a retard staring as the mouse drinks the milk in the bowl through a thin macaroni. I hate that scum, i have no words to describe it...
4:15
Hmm, found some book, it doesn't really say "How To Catch a Mouse" but there is something in it about mice. It's a children's alphabet book, there is a big "M" next to the picture of a mouse and some wheat.
5:00
Oh i remembered! I had some wheat somewhere i brought a whole bunch from some farm i went to with my owner. Ok let's try, cause there isn't enough cheese and milk for that scum.
5:05
No the mouse doesn't want to eat it.
5:10
I turn around for a moment to write something, and the whole pile of wheat got dragged into the hole in a second. What is this?!! i waited for 5 minutes and right when i turn around, he takes it all. >:(
5:30
Oh awesome! i caught this little critter!! he got out of his hole for some reason and started rustling under the couch. i got scared when i heard the rustling and fell off the couch RIGHT ON HIM! I squished him so hard that he is barely alive right now.
5:40
Yeah... i fell on him pretty badly, he's laying there and quietly swearing . i gave him some cheese to eat, and for some reason a bottle of ketchup ( 0_o ), but he liked the ketchup. He told me his name was Jerry. I didn't tell him my name, my mother always told me not to talk to strangers, what was i going to say anyway, "My name is Tom?" too original (Tom and Jerry) i just didn't say anything.
6:00
Ok it's over. he ran away making sure the owner didn't see him. We made a treaty, he makes sure the owner doesn't see him, and i don't touch him. The pease pact was signed with a piece of bacon. :)
7:00
Owner thought i ate the mouse and he was very very happy. Who am i living with?? I feel like i don't now him anymore, he's a sadist O_O . | Unknown date of the year 2010
12:00 pm
OMG! Owner said that there will be a thunderstorm today!!! I'm so afraid of lightning! I know, there is nothing scary about it, but still, im really afraid :(. The only thing im afraid of more than lightning is the vacuum cleaner, the hair fan, and the thought of not getting fed O_O
12:10
Hmm, owner is way too happy. Walking arong in joy... Dressed up real fruity suit and everything, took some money, and left. Wonder if he'll be gone for a while? Who's going to give me food?!!!
12:20
Still thinking, owner is gone for too long! So i decided to climb into the food closet myself. Damn bag of cat food fell down on the floor, i won't be able to get it back up. Owner's going to be pissed, im sure he will :( . Well, too late to turn back now. I chewed a huge hole through the bag. Well, Jerry came out of his hole. We ate some cat feed, had a nice conversation on the topic of carrying out a reform in the Owner's politics. Jerry thinks that there should be cheese spread around the house, and i think that a cat shouldn't be kicked out of the owner's bed just because he is scratching and rolling around.
1:00 PM
Aaaaa!!! the thunderstorm started!!! right now im hiding under the owners blanket trying not to pee myself D: . and the rain is making it even worse! It's the whole package :( the rain is drumming on the roof and the lightning rumbling, i really have to hold it in or the owner will kick me out if i pee all over his bed.
1:10
Ok it's not that scary anymore but still... I think im starting to understand where the owner left. To his female probably. Why else would he get dressed up like that? Only with that kind of thunderstorm they will either get soaked and FAIL, or get to cover in time and instead of a fail it will be the other way around (bow-chika-wow-wow) ;) But really, i don't care, as long as he doesn't forget to feed me. But he forgot. Sad. It's ok, he'll see how i fed myself, he will clean up all the cat food off the floor and then he'll start to feed me normally.
1:40
Jerry got sleepy and left. I got lonely and i tried to find some Valerian - didn't find any. Then tried to climb around on the new window shades, whoah, such a cool feeling! :D And i'll just tell the owner that the holes were already there, and that they fell down because of the thunder. ;)
2:00 PM
I'm starting to go crazy because of the boredom, trying to do totally retarted things, to be exct, i was trying to lick the tip of my tail. I can hear a dog barking outside, wonder if he is bored too.. Hmm, wonder if i will hit the dog with a rubber ball, Because he's sitting there swearing for 2 days already. I can't leave that unpunished.
2:30
Owner returned, Whoohoo! Saw the spilled cat food on the floor, looked at me. Looked at me very angrily and unapprovingly, but didn't say anything. He was pretty mad before he saw the spilled food anyway, wonder what happened. Guess something wrong went with date. He sat down at the computer wery sadly. I don't know, maybe i should sit next to him. Cause he's depressed. (oops no more Valerian to help him out) ;)
2:40 PM
Aww, what is this?! Just as i lay down next to him on his table there is a lightning bolt hitting a tree a block away from our house it was sooooo loud that i flew 6 feet up almost hitting the ceiling, I landed in between my owner's legs (OOOOOUCH!!!) and i made it even worse because i forgot to put my claws back in X_X . First, he looked like a porcupine that got called a hedgehog. But he wasn't mad for too long my eyes looked so sorry that he couldn't stay mad at me.
3:00
Layed down on some weird thing. don't know what it is but it bent suspiciously quickly under me as soon as i layed down on it. Weird. Oh well, if the owner will start screaming, i'll argue that a cat can sleep wherever he wants to!
3:10
The owner is demanding that i get off the keyboard. So that's what it's called... I started to roar, i heard how some lion did that in a cart | 3:10
The owner is demanding that i get off the keyboard. So that's what it's called... I started to roar, i heard how some lion did that in a cartoon. Owner said since im like that, he's going to get the hair fan. Pfft, does he think im stupid or something? We both know that it's broken. But only One of us knows WHO broke it :)
3:20
He came, Shook the fan above me. I don't know how to explain to him that i'm not afraid of nonworking hair fans? Although wait... That fan doesn't look like that old one.. Aaaaaaa!
3:40
Still sitting under the bed shaking! That really was the old fan! It's so scary, im all calm sitting on the keyboard and then there is the loud roar of the fan right next to your ear!! What if he fixed the Vaccuum cleaner too?!
4:00
No, everything is alright with the vaccuum cleaner. Or should i say there is Nothing alright with it :)) that's good. Hmm wonder if The owner will find out who keeps breaking all the fans and the vaccuum cleaners?..
4:30
Lightning again, they are obviously trying to get me today! another thunderstorm started, or maybe the old one just didn't end yet... well in any case, i got under the bed and nobody will ever get me here. But im still scared. Suddenly i realized that im hungry. Gotta go ask the owner for some food, let him feed the misfortunate cat.
5:00
I ate. The lightning quieted down.
6:00
That's it for today, im too tired. Today was too much for me, lightning, thunder, fan, owner was pissed after his date failed... i gotta rest. Good Night! :) | | Great series ;) I am waiting now to see what happens to the poor dog ! | | Great series ;) | Great series ;)
Waiting for the next part :) | | do you happen to be related to James L Brooks? | this next part is shorter than the others, sorry but i didn't really have too much time 2day.
6/02/10
9:00 AM
Whoohoo, i've been swinging for bout half an hour already! Whay so early? Owner's still sleeping, and if he sees what im using as a swing,,, i'll have to be hiding for half of the day... ok a couple more times, and ima wrap these curtains up. :)
9:15
Dang, my cat paws are not made for wraping up curtains! Alrite i'll just leave them here like this, if anything - it wasn't me. ^^
9:30
Whoah! while i was checking out the refrigerator provision, i found a cake! Tried it, wasn't that good, but now, my whole face it covered in cream. Oh no! i can't lick it off my face, what do i do?!! the owner will know! O_O
10:00
Gotta get my face clean, quick!!
10:05
Dear diary, this is the Owner! Imagine, i get up, and this is what i see - My poor cat is all covered in cake cream and beating his head on the wall! Im in shock, what is up with him?!! I don't understand....
10:15
Owner is a scum...
11:00
How did he find my diary? THAT'S what i wanna know.
11:15
Sitting there watching tv. Im writing while there are commercials. Im watching such an awesome program, it's called "onehundredfifty dishes from baloney". I love that program, too bad owner doesn't watch these kinds of programs...
1:00 PM
been chasing the owner around the house for a whole hour! he took the remote and turned to another channet! >:( Oh Look! it's the shreck the third commercial! Owner says shreck is the best, but i personally prefer the fat cat in boots. he's positive, and makes me feel slim and skinny :)) | | Awesome series, awaiting the next installment ;) | | Nice. These days, whenever I got to creative works, this is the first thread I see. | | nice avatar :) | nice avatar :) thanks :)
everybody, i didn't have any time to write any new entries because of Tests in school, but now that the week's over i will have new ones starting today or tomorrow. ^^ | | Great news :D | 6/10/10
9:00 AM
I woke up, the sun woke up. Only my owner didn't wake up. Well, i guess that's my job! I'll poke his face with my nose, he'll jump up in a flash.
9:30
Hmm, everything turned out to be not like i planned. A got on his bed, poked him with my nose, then with my paw, but he didn't wake up. I layed down next to him, and waited. When he woke up, he didn't feed me, but started to pack his clothes! Is he leaving somewhere?! Where is my food?!
9:40
Ok everything is alright, he fed me ^^
10:00
NO! im a doof:( . I have my guard down for one moment, and he snatches me and puts me into a packing bag, and i hato those bags so much... Last time i gnawed a hole in one of them, hmm i wonder if it's that bag...
10:10
No hole :( Must be the wrong bag... i wonder where we're going? Last time, we went and took the subway and it was pretty fun. The owner was screaming and arguing with everybody while i was watching and laughing :)
3:00 PM
Hmm, i don't know what this place is. Everything out here is green, nature everywhere. I talked to some wild animals, i was really amazed... Now im sitting here with a look on my face like "Aaaa it's alive!!" But that's nothing compared to what i met later, he was such scum, and a freak that i can't even describe it. I won't say why he is a scum, it's embarrasing.. But owner said it's called a "Porcupine"
3:30
It's alright here, owner said we're out in the country, just here to get away from the city, get some fresh air. And Jerry is a pretty big person here, i mean - very important mouse... when these local mice heard me say his name, they all huddled around me, asking how he is, and how it is in the city.. Owner went out into the field, saw so much mice around me, and noticed i was talking to them, he lost conciousness... Oh well, he'll come to his senses.
4:00
Thanks to my connections (im talking bout Jerry) i now pretty much know the place.. And awesome news! i found a way to catch fish :) now i'll never be hungry or bored :))
This is it for today, owner says we're staying here for the weekend so when we get back to the city, i'll write. :)) | | there u go, enjoy :) im workin on the next one now, will be done in bout 40 minutes or so | will be done in bout 40 minutes
nvm i have to go somewhere, it will be done later today |
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