| Forums-->Creative works-->
1|2|3Back to topics list
|I think of publishing a book
|I am currently writing a story which i hope to get published when its complete. Its related to this world of lords and so i wanted to ask if i can do so because skunder had done so before. I know i am not as good as him in anyway but i am going to try to make mine good. I have developed a good idea for it and
|oops, i entered by mistake. As i was saying I have developed a good idea and would like to give the lords society a glimpse. I have written not even 35% of my book and so there is a long way to go. I could actually do with some ideas. You will actually find it in a lordswm article written an year ago by another of my accounts which was blocked. So get ready for an exciting journey-
To Worlds Unknown.....
|I guess you should post a part of.your story and look.for the feedback that is it possible or.not
|Since you did not show a part of your future book, that world remains unknown.
|@4 lmao nice one
|Since you did not show a part of your future book, that world remains unknown.
for kushagra5: all the best !
|Since you did not show a part of your future book, that world remains unknown.
for kushagra5: all the best !
|THE LAND OF GLORY A STORY
(Story) The Land of Glory
On a clear night, go out and stare into the beautiful black ocean with pearls and crystals the size of a sugar cube. This is the night sky. While observing the different constellations, you will often fall upon different kinds of shapes in the sky. These shapes are often mistaken to be clouds. The truth is, only some of them are clouds. The rest are shadows of small worlds well away from the solar system. One of these worlds is the land of the mystical creatures called Frugustia, by them. This world has just eight divisions, unlike the 200+ countries on earth
|ok.. a little longer intro would help to analyse your writing style. Till now, not bad. But some solid content can make it great.
|The silent hill
Towards the northern part of this land, lie the great caves of the Silent Hill. This massive hill is a hundred times bigger than Mt. Everest. It is completely made of red rocks and has More than a crore caves. It is a complete maze and only the people of this land, the demons can remember their way out and in. Despite their living in it for thousands of years (Demons were the first creatures on the land) some caves are still unknown. The symbol of the demons is the ‘Hell Gating Star.’ This was the star that brought the demons from hell to this land. It is present at the peak of the silent hill. The natural colour of silent hill is red. The land is ruled by a very cruel king Dehuntun. He has vast armies of cave demons, pit demons and devils which ride on hell horses the size of elephants. Dehuntun has one of the best messengers possible. They are quick debaters and can actually steal your thoughts by using their special abilities. They are always manipulating weak minds and can even control the brain of ordinary people. They are not so quick so they are sent riding on Hell Hounds. The hell hounds are also the guards of the king. The Silent Hill also has female demons classified either Succubis or Mistresses. The succubis are ugly creatures which are used as slaves for the running the place. On the other hand, the mistresses are charming compared to the other demon classes. They serve the king as guards and are the only archers in Dehuntun’s vast army. Dehuntun in himself is quite a strong demon and belongs to the Fire ArchDevil class of demons. This class is not many in numbers and all the Male demons in this class are married to mistresses and boast of high posts like Army-Chiefs and Chief Ministers. The main source of income for the demons, is the mines of the silent hill and trust me, they are very rich. They sell the naturally produced crystals of silent hill too. Dehuntun hates the humane factions which inhabited the land a few hundred years ago and soon took over leadership. He is always planning to uproot them and is often warned that this can lead to his being thrown in the dungeons of Verdant Dell. Dehuntun was infact these days planning a scheme which he thought was extremely efficient and could help in overthrowing the humans. For years he had been attacking and losing against the knights who were to the immediate South-West of his kingdom. Fights were always going on the border. He once had got the knights surrendered but a mysterious force attacked them and as they had lost huge armies in conquering the knights, they were unable to defend. The knights were given their kingdom back by these creatures called the dwarves. Since then, the dwarves too, started living on Frugustia. This meant another humane army to fight. Dehuntun led a lone army of mistresses in to exile until he was strong enough to retain The Silent Hill. He was right now sitting on his thrown of crystals. He was scratching his chin a gesture of hard thinking. He then ordered his hell hounds to fetch the best spawn messenger, Gwilar. Gwilar had often achieved great success as a messenger and debating to save the king from being thrown in the dungeons. The king had full trust in him. When Gwilar arrived on his hound, He unmounted and bowed to Dehuntun. “Lord, I heard you had called for me.” “Aaaah, Gwilar. My favourite messenger, how can I rule without you?” Dehuntun flattered. Apparently, Gwilar found something fishy in the remark. Dehuntun continued, “I hope you know that I have been thinking for a plan to foil the Knights and take over their kingdom since ages.” Dehuntun paused for an answer which he did not get and he then went on, “This time I have a wonderful plan. Learning from last times defeat, which was the nearest we got to victory and yet happened to be the worst loss we, as demons have suffered, I, The king Dehuntun have decided to lend my hand of friendship to the necromancer king Zoirod. This tactic I hope will help us
|...take over the knights and the dwarves. Then, I can if my mood is well, help the necromancer king in his enmity with the Wizard king of the Yellow Lake after controlling the close-by palace of knights.” He added another pause when he went on to say, “I want you to convey this message of mine to the necromancer king Zoirod as soon as you can.” Gwilar knew this was no easy task and he personally hated the necromancer king. In his only encounter with him which happened recently in a debate, he had made a mental note of keeping away from him as much as he can. But in the circumstances he was forced to go against his will, “Sure, Master,” He said. “So may the best hound be arranged for the best messenger of our kingdom,” He ordered his soldiers. The few minutes of peace that came in between the arrival of the hound were very uneasy for Gwilar. He gave a thought on how he would manage against the patron of fear, Zoirod. He also brainstormed ways in which he could tell his children why he was going away. They were Gwilar’s personal weakness. When the hellhounds finally arrived, Gwilar mounted and raced away to his house. After packing whatever he could think a use of, he made a final bid of adieu to his family. He then mounted his hell hound which nearly flew through all the dungeons and out they were into sunshine moving east. Gwilar had been careful to apply his sunscreen because spawns had very weak skins. The hell hound covered a very large distance (1,000 miles in our language) in just an hour. All the spawn had to do was hold on as the hell hound sped past rocks and deserts and trees and beasts. After much wait, they finally arrived at the border of Seraph Tears, The Necromancer Kingdom. The spawn showed his peace sign and the parchment of paper to the scary zombie guards. He was allowed entrance after much ado. After he entered the dark land, all went grayish black…
|Chapter-2 Seraphs Tears.
The land to the immediate east of The Silent Hill, Seraphs Tears was created when the creator of Frugustia, Merlin died. It was made due to the tears of Merlin’s wife, Seraph the angel. All the tears filled with Seraph’s sorrows fell on the barren land creating of the dark land of necromancers. The necromancers did not care about conquering other lands but the elves often attacked the necromancers in order to win them over. The symbol of the necromancers is the ‘Skeleton Head.’ It, as guessed signifies the nightmare spirits. Their official colour is black. The current ruler of the land, Zoirod, was a Fear feeder just like all his other ancestral kings. His army was mainly consisted of Leeches shooting dark magical arrows riding on skeletal dragons. Vampires served as foot soldiers and the on foot archery department was made by the skeletal bowmen. These were so vast in numbers that despite being weak, they just didn’t seem to finish. The inner security was managed by ghosts and apparitions and the security was so tight, that you could not think about breaking a law as the invisible spirits could pop out from anywhere. All issues related to diplomacy were tackled by Vampire counts. The skeletons served as slaves for doing all the chores. The only source of income for the necromancer king was by selling skeletons to the capital as slaves. This did not get much money but necromancers did not need wealth as they already had enough skeletons to serve them and did not need to eat or drink. The money was only for getting weapons and using it for travels to the other lands. Moreover, they can open their mercury mines as Seraphs tears is full of mercury as Silent hill is full of crystals. With no expenditures, necromancers are also fine in their financial status. Zoirod was not so good in hand combat but had magical powers which could be stronger than any other magical warrior. He had mastered the spell of raising his dead troops and had successfully taught it to his leeches who helped in the job when Zoirod was drained out of power. Zoirod’s favourite hobby however was talking to his skeletal stick of magic. The stick would tell each and every secret happening in Frugustia and helped Zoirod read other kings mind. Due to this Zoirod had been able to earn good finances to support the vast army. Infact, he was currently conversing with the stick and already knew that Dehuntun had sent a messenger though he didn’t know the reason because the power of reading minds was not available in Silent hill. He had ordered direct entry for the spawn and had told the ghosts and Apparitions not to stop him. He calmly waited as the minutes passed by in his palace of doom. Finally, two apparitions guarding the spawn entered. The king grinned in order to unnerve the spawn and he did so. “So this is the imp
|...Dehuntun has sent, Interesting, Very Interesting.” The word IMP annoyed Gwilar and he made sure he did not show it. ‘The old unnerving tactics’ He thought. “I have brought an important message of friendship from the demon lord, Dehuntun. The demon king wants to join hands with you to defeat the knights.” The spawn was interrupted here “Dehuntun very well knows I don’t like to go to war except when I am attacked.” the necromancer bellowed. The spawn got startled, “Sir, Let me finish. He offers help to you in getting rid of the wizards after he takes his outpost in Blooming glade and make sure that you never need to face war. He would infact gift you all the riches he would get from the two raids which will help you financially.” The spawn was happy he had not hesitated for even a moment. He surely had got gutsy. Zoirod spoke in hardly more than a whisper, “Hmmmm… Why should I believe him? Ohh tiny imp go and tell your king to answer me this personally till then I will also put thought on the matter. Let’s arrange to meet on the border in a day. Till then- “Guards drop this imp to the border.”” The constant use of imp and his suddenly being thrown out angered the small creature but what could he do. He silently walked back to the place where he had been told to leave his hound and was then let out of the dark territory on it. Although the fear feeder had been rude, Gwilar did not believe that things went so smoothly. He slept on the hound on the way back which forced the hound to move slowly. He woke inside his families cave when the hound dropped him. He thought about waking his family but then thought against the idea. He directly arranged for a meeting with the king the next morning and completed his sleep. Indeed, hell hound journeys could be tiring. The next morning was beautiful. The crystals gleamed bright red and Gwilar was humming his favourite song ‘Through the Silent Hill’ all the time on his way to the palace of Dehuntun. He reached their just in time and saw the king enter just after him. He greeted him “Good Morning, Master” “Aaah! Gwilar, I hope you have brought good news with you.” Exclaimed Dehuntun. “Yes O Lord. He wants to meet you today by sunset on the border between the two lands. He is quite keen and would love it if you could prove it to him that you are going to help him with the wizards. He wanted to be sure that I was no stranger and wanted to make sure he was actually going to get peace at last from the wizards’ king. I tell you, all he cares about is of freedom from them and he can do anything for it.” The words had been very carefully chosen by Gwilar and he didn’t want to go far from the truth and yet he wanted it to seem pleasant rather than being the way it was. “At this, Dehuntun boomed “Ready the armies, we are going to the border.” He turned to the span and said, “You, Gwilar have put me in your debt once more. How can I thank you. I will award you with a brand new cave for your family towards the top of the hill if all goes well.” Then Gwilar left and instead of feeling happy on being rewarded, he just got more hyper-tensioned. He just wished he had not made it too far-fetched in his attempt to make the matter light. He went back home and was greeted to his favourite food of human meat. He munched and played with his children. He told his wife about the matter and the mistress was delighted.
|She said “Oh wow! I wish we get one with the volcanic background.” Gwilar caught yet another hellhound and took it straight to the palace where the army and arrangements were being made. Truly, the army when fully assembled looked marvelous. The King made a call “OH Brave soldiers, we are going for a meeting. I want the defense chief to take his squad and defend the kingdom in our short absence.” Footsteps shook the ground. Then, when the two squads had been separated, He again shouted, “Let the march, Begin!” A huge roar followed by the smack of weapons erupted and any normal human would have gone deaf due to the sound. The march began and shook the silent hill until it was well out of it. On the route to Seraphs Tears, any wild animal in the way would get trampled. After an hour, they finally arrived. As expected, King Zoirod too had arrived with his forces too. The kings unmounted their mounts and shook hands. After a hug they started whispering in hushed voices. Zoirod go straight to the point, “Dehuntun, I have thought about the deal and am ready to accept it but, I am unsure if you will help me after I help you or not.” Both kings were afraid of each other and both try to hide it, though Zoirod knew Dehuntun’s emotions. “I will help you. I will anyway be bound to help you because, you can have your troops kill me immidiately. Infact, we both will be at each others mercy.” Dehuntun kept his mind clear so that even if Zoirod read it, he would get nothing except the words Dehuntun was already mouthing. “Everything done, the problem arises that the dwarves would like to repay their debts to the dwarves and knights by helping them in war. This would make it very difficult for us and if we win we would be extremely vulnerable to attacks from the cowardly barbarian king.” Dehuntun generally asked “What have the knights and wizards done for the dwarves, the dwarves in fact helped the knights win over me.” “Oh Friend, don’t you know that at that time the dwarves were weak and the two kings had lent the dwarves resources for development. They had also shielded the dwarves through out. The dwarves must pay back.” Zoirod prompted Dehuntun in admitting he did not. “Well than, what next friend” snapped Dehuntun clearly annoyed with his lack of information. He made sure he would go and give his spies a good scolding. “I think we must try to win the support of the dark elves of the misty coast. I can send a few messengers and pursue with them. They recently got a female ruler who they say is always ready for alliances. Though I can’t be sure, as suddenly, learning about the happenings of misty coast has become too difficult.” This was pure truth spoken by Zoirod. His Stick was having great difficulty since the new queen had taken over the reigns. The master of fear and death was for once fearing something as well as dreading death. His stick had never been unable to get information for the first time. “I want Solta here.” A vampire count stepped forward. “Solta, go and collect the helpers you need. I want you journeying south east to the realm of mist, the misty coast.” The count turned without saying anything and supposedly went to get equipment. “Gwilar, take a few soldiers and accompany him.” Dehuntun ordered. “Yes sir” said Gwilar half heartedly. In his mind, he was thinking, ‘Oh Merlin, not again.’
|Gwilar took a few mistresses on hell hounds with him and joined Solta on his skeletal dragon with vampires following him. “Hi there,” said Gwilar but he got no reply. In a very quite and what Gwilar found boring journey, they made their way in full speed until it started getting misty. Slowly they got slower until the mist became so thick, they couldn’t see anything. They stopped and just then a lot of bandits attacked them…
Thats 2 chapters.
I know the language is haywire at places and i can use better language and vocabulary but that i will take care of during editing.
Just focus on the plot
|A little difficult to read without punctuation marks and line breaks
|Also dont compare something in imaginary world to something real, I dont know about other but I dont like that
|Rather too elementary. You need to put your content in more fanciful way. And when the stpry is about medieval time why use crores rather than millions or billions.
A writer describes things with the words which can convey exactly what there description. Now you said " messengers caj read your mind with their special abilities. Dont be that straightforward. No you are not getting published with this but you can certainly learn more by reading a lot.
|i told you naah, this is an old project. About two years old. Barb ruler i know its tough to read. And thanks for that idea about comparison. I will confirm this from some people and change it. As for Blazing Arpit-
I wanted to just understand the term "ELEMENTARY"
I understand about the fanciful point. I will try my best and i will re-post the two chapters after i have edited them.
I think i will just cut that messengers line out.
And i know its not too good. I just want to ask if you liked the story. I will manage the details later. Just comment on my plot. I am going to write this all again. You wont belive how bad it was when i wrote it at first but it is still nothing good. But i would love such criticism because thats what will make my story better. I think i will post more of the chapters and the edited one of this too. And i will make sure i include line breaks and punctuations.
|Hey you know guys, I have a good idea to make it much more fanciful. You just give suggestions about how to add details to the demons and necromancers while I do some big changes to surprise you with a better story.
I just read my story again and now i know what to do. Just wait for a week or two. I will keep posting the episodes of the dark elf kingdom, the barbarian kingdom, the elf kingdom, the knight kingdom, the dwarf kingdom and the wizard kingdom. One chapter per day. And after I am ready I will give you the real story. This may take a month, but after reading blazingarpits remark, i struck on a great idea.
Thanks BlazingArpit and i will keep contacting you on personal mail for more information