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| Author | Jokes !!! |
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A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three very large, leathered bikers walked in. The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie and then took a seat at the counter. The second walked up to the old man, spat into the old man's milk and then he too took a seat at the counter. The third walked up to the old man, turned over the old man's plate, and then he took a seat at the counter.
Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the diner. Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, "Humph, not much of a man, was he?"
The waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver either, he just backed his big-rig over three motorcycles." | | And the old man is winner :D | | A 17th Century captain was sailing along with his crew when a pirate ship came over the horizon. The captain says, "Cabin boy, get me my red shirt." So, he gets his red shirt and they victoriously battle the pirates. Several days later, they spot another pirate ship off the port bow. "Cabin boy," says the captain "get me my red shirt." They again battle the pirates and are victorious. Later when things had settled down, the cabin boy asks, "Captain, why do you always want your red shirt just prior to battle?" The captain responds, "Well, in case I am inflicted with a wound, I don't want the crew to see my injury and lose spirit." "I see," says the cabin boy. A few days later, they sight 20 pirate ships in the distance the captain yells out, "Cabin boy, get me my brown pants." | A cocky State Highways employee stopped at a farm and talked with an old farmer. He told the farmer, "I need to inspect your farm for a possible new road."
The old farmer said, "OK, but don't go in that field." The Highways employee said, "I have the authority of the State Government to go where I want. See this card? I am allowed to go wherever I wish on farm land."
So the old farmer went about his farm chores.
Later, he heard loud screams and saw the State Highways employee running for the fence and close behind was the farmer's prize bull. The bull was madder than a nest full of hornets and the bull was gaining on the employee at every step!!
The old farmer called out, "Show him your card!!" | | man seriously none can beat the jokes of dionysus :-) awesome :-) | There is a knock on the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks out, and a man is standing there. Saint Peter is about to begin his interview when the man disappears. A moment later there’s another knock. Saint Peter gets the door, sees the man, opens his mouth to speak, but the man disappears once again.
“Hey, are you playing games with me?” Saint Peter calls after him, rather annoyed.
“No” the man’s distant voice replies anxiously. “They are trying to resuscitate me.” | Some Rajnikanth jokes ;)
1. Once Death had ‘near Rajnikant experience’ !!
2. When GOD is shocked he exclaims “Oh my Rajnikaant!”‌
3. Great mystery solved : the missing piece of apple in Apple’s Logo was eaten by Rajnikant!!
4. Rajnikant knows the exact value of Pi upto a Googol
5. Rajnikant knows what came first, chicken or egg!!
6. Rajnikant once won an argument with his wife.
7. There in nothing Rajini’Kant do.
8. Rajnikanths nxt project. Titanic in Tamil. Climax revised. Both survive. Rajnikant swims across the Atlantic Ocean with heroine in one hand and… Titanic in the other.
9. Neo was “the one” Rajinikant is “the only one”
10. Superman once got into a fight with Rajnikanth. The loser had to wear his underwear over his pants.
11. Intel’s new caption – Rajnikant Inside.
12. Rajanikanth can do a wheelie on a unicycle
13. Rajini doesn’t need water supply. Hydrogen and Oxygen merge at the sight of him and produce water whenever he wants.
14. All of the theories on Dinosaur Extinction are wrong. Rajnikant simply stomped his foot and they all died.
15. If Rajnikant gets into a car accident (yeah right) His car will need some airbags to protect it from him.
16. Contrary to popular belief, Rajnikant cannot fly. He just jumps and chooses when to come down.
17. Some magicans can walk on water, Rajnikant can swim through land. - by Abbas
18. If Rajnikant ever got caught for speeding, he’d let the cops off with a warning.
19. Rajnikant can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.
20. Rajnikant runs until the treadmill gets tired
21. Rajnikant irons his Pants with them still on.
22. Rajnikant can squeeze orange juice from a banana
23. In the back of the book of world records, it says “All records are held by Rajnikant. The ones listed are in second place.”
24. Rajnikant can tie his shoes with his feet.
25. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Rajnikant out. It failed miserably.
26. Basketball player: I can spin a ball on my finger for 2 hrs… can u..?? -
Rajnikanth: enna rascala… How do u think the earth spins…?? :) mind it! | | @ loafant , LOL leave rajini alone lol .. He has done nice movies like thalapathi too :D Well now his movies have become dumb.. :D nice joke! | A guest in a posh hotel comes down to breakfast and called over the head waiter and read from the menu “I’d like one under cooked egg so that it’s running, and one over cooked egg that it’s tough and hard to eat. I’d also like grilled bacon which is a bit on the cold side, burnt toast, butter straight from the freezer so that it’s impossible to spread, and a pot of very weak, lukewarm coffee.”
"That’s a complicated order sir" said the bewildered waiter, “It might be quite difficult.”
The guest replied sarcastically, “It can’t be that difficult because that’s exactly what you brought me yesterday!” | | Haha, I have eaten there. | | Girls will remember you if you help them... when the next problem comes. | These comments can be found in " Eminem - When im gone lyrics "
DarthVader12310 3 weeks ago
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This song makes me think of my mom when she died in front of me in my own eyes I saw her die so I'm so sad :(
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Plutooify 3 weeks ago
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Did she die by a light saber?
Reply · Vote UpVote Down in reply to DarthVader12310 | A guest in a posh hotel comes down to breakfast and called over the head waiter and read from the menu “I’d like one under cooked egg so that it’s running, and one over cooked egg that it’s tough and hard to eat. I’d also like grilled bacon which is a bit on the cold side, burnt toast, butter straight from the freezer so that it’s impossible to spread, and a pot of very weak, lukewarm coffee.”
"That’s a complicated order sir" said the bewildered waiter, “It might be quite difficult.”
The guest replied sarcastically, “It can’t be that difficult because that’s exactly what you brought me yesterday!” I Ate dinner there yesterday :/ | | Keep it coming :) | Atom 1 - I lost an electron :(
Atom 2 - Are you sure?
Atom 1 - Yeah , i am positive. | Proudness of India 8) ( this happens in a birth certificate issuing office ) - Sikh - " Mother is sikh , father is sikh , child is chinese "
Officer - " How the hell is your child chinese when your wife and you are sikhs?"
Sikh - "Newspaper says "
Officer - " uh ?"
sikh - " newspapers say that every 3rd person born in the earth is chinese :) " | | Husband - " Im a good husband :V , Im going shopping with my wife .. Hopefully she will tell me where she hid my golf clubs :( " | The 98-year-old Mother Superior from Ireland was dying, so the nuns gathered around her bed, trying to make her last journey comfortable.
They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she refused.
Then one of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.
Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips.
Mother drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop.
"Mother Superior, the nuns asked with earnest," please give us some wisdom before you die."
She raised herself up in bed and with a pious look on her face, said," Don't sell that cow!" | Speedy Morris was the basketball coach at LaSalle and they were having a pretty good season. One morning, he was shaving and the phone rang. His wife answered it and called out to him that Sports Illustrated wanted to talk to him.
Coach Morris was excited that his team was apparently about to receive national recognition in this famous sports magazine. As a matter of fact, he was so excited that he cut himself with his razor.
Covered with blood and shaving lather and running downstairs to the phone, he tripped and fell down the stairs. Finally, bleeding and bruised, he made it to the phone and breathlessly said, "Hello"?
The voice on the other end asked, "Is this Speedy Morris"?
"Yes, yes!" he replied excitedly.
Then the voice continued, "Mr. Morris, for just seventy-five cents an issue, we can give you a one-year subscription to Sports Illustrated." | A husband reading a newspaper says to his wife, "You know, honey. I think there might be some real merit to what this article says; that the intelligence of a father often proves a stumbling block to the son."
"Well, thank heaven," said the wife. "At least our James has nothing standing in his way." |
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