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| Author | Jokes !!! |
|---|
| ^ Creepy lol | Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop. Right away they go to the bird section and Sean says to Paddy; "Dat''s Dem". The shopkeeper comes over and asks if he can help.
"Yeah, we''ll take four of dem dere budgies in dat cage op dere", says Mick, "Put dem in a pepper bag"
The shopkeeper does as asked and the two pay for the birds and leave. They get into Mick''s van and drive until they reach a cliff with a 500ft drop.
"Dis looks loike a grand place", says Mick.
He then takes the two birds out of the bag, places them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff.
Paddy watches as his friend drops off the edge and goes straight down for a few seconds followed by a loud "Splat!"
As Paddy looks over the edge of the cliff he shakes his head, "dis budgie jumpin'' is too dangerous for me..."
A few minutes later, Seamus approaches. He too has been to the pet shop and is carrying the familiar 'pepper bag.'
Seamus pulls a parrot out of the bag and Paddy notices that in the other hand Seamus is carrying a gun.
"Watch this Paddy" he says, as he launches himself over the edge of the cliff.
Paddy watches as half way down Seamus takes the gun and blows the parrot''s head off. Seamus continues to plummet until he joins Sean''s mashed remains at the bottom of the cliff.
Paddy shakes his head and says, "An oim never troyin'' that parrotshooting oider..."
After a few minutes, Danny strolls up. He too has been to the pet shop and walks up with his 'pepper bag.'
Danny pulls a chicken out of the bag. He puts the chicken above his head, holds its legs and launches himself off the cliff with the same result.
Once more Paddy shakes his head, "For me life Danny, first der was Sean wit his budgie jumpin, den Seamus parrotshooting and now you hengliding..." | | ^ Rofl XD | 702
Nice One :D | Once there was a millionaire, who
collected live alligators. He kept
them in the pool in back of his
mansion. The millionaire also had a
beautiful daughter who was
single.
One day he decides to throw a
huge party, and during the party
he announces, "My dear guests . . .
I have a proposition to every man
here. I will give one million dollars
or my daughter to the man who
can swim across this pool full of
alligators and emerge alive!"
As soon as he finished his last
word, there was the sound of a
large splash! There was one guy in
the pool swimming with all he
could and screaming out of fear.
The crowd cheered him on as he
kept stroking as though he was
running for his life. Finally, he
made it to the other side with only
a torn shirt and some minor
injuries.
The millionaire was impressed. He
said, "My boy that was incredible!
Fantastic! I
didn't think it could be done! Well I
must keep my end of the bargain.
Do you want my daughter or the
one million dollars?"
The guy says, "Listen, I don't want
your money, nor do I want your
daughter! I want the person who
pushed me in that water!" | | for Murali: #697 is same as yours..you are bit late though :) | A good lawyer knows the law; a great lawyer knows the judge.
I poured root beer into a square cup. Now I just have beer.
"Why couldn't the bicycle stand up?" - "Because it was two tired"
An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Jap, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scottish, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Taiwanese, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turkish, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean all go to a nightclub.
The doorman stops them and says, ‘Sorry, I can’t let you in without a Thai.’
My uncle said, “How do you get to school?” I said, “By bus,” and my uncle smiled. “When I was your age,” my uncle said, “I walked it barefoot--seven miles.
My uncle said, “How much weight can you tote?” I said, “One bag of grain.” my uncle laughed. “When I was your age,” my uncle said, “I could drive a wagon--and lift a calf.”
My uncle said, “How many fights have you had?” I said, “Two--and both times I got whipped.” “When I was your age,” my uncle said, “I fought every day--and was never whipped.”
My uncle said, “How old are you?” I said, “Nine and a half,” and then My uncle puffed out his chest and said, “When I was your age… I was ten.”
I was eating my milk last night when I suddenly thought to myself, "This milk must be seriously out of date."
Did you hear about the guy who froze himself to absolute zero?
He's 0K now!
A little girl goes up to her mom and asks, "Mommy, why did you name me Rose?"
"Well, when you were a baby, a rose petal fell on your forehead, so we named you after that."
Her sister asks the same question, "Mommy, why did you name me Daisy?"
"Well, when you were a baby, | Sorry for the last one, it was cut.
A little girl goes up to her mom and asks, "Mommy, why did you name me Rose?"
"Well, when you were a baby, a rose petal fell on your forehead, so we named you after that."
Her sister asks the same question, "Mommy, why did you name me Daisy?"
"Well, when you were a baby, a daisy petal fell on your forehead, so we named you after that."
The third sister goes, "mwwaaarrrghh," and the mom says, "What's that, Cinderblock?" | Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one says, "I'll have a pint of blood."
The second one says, "I'll have one, too."
The third one says, "I'll have a pint of plasma."
The bartender says, "So, that'll be two Bloods and a Blood Lite?" | Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.
"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that."
I'm in a Chinese restaurant and this duck comes up with a red rose and says: "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds." I said: "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck." | | Eagerly waiting for some more :) | Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar?
They each got six months.
Two strings walk into a bar, and the bartender asks what they'd like.
The first string says "I'll have a beer."
The second string says "I'll have a beer too.4cjp9jjjjjCT$#UcabbageH#@fjk23q9..."
The bartender looks shocked, and the first string says "Oh, please pardon my friend, he's not null terminated."
The phone rings in the middle of the night at a doctor's house. He answers and it is his friend, another doctor, that tells him: "We need a 4th player for our cards game". He gets up and puts on his coat. As he is doing that, his wife asks: "Is it something serious?", and he replies: "You can bet on it. There are 3 doctors in there already and they need my help"
Julius Caesar walks into a bar, says 'I'll have a Martinus, please'
Barman looks at him up and down. 'Don't you mean a Martini?'
Caesar says 'Listen buddy, I'm Julius Caesar. If I want a double, I'll ask for one.'
What's the best thing about Switzerland?
I'm not sure but the flag's a big plus.
Player banned by moderator Elrond until 2013-07-14 22:54:23 // FR 1.7. Additional characters are not allowed to leave messages at the "Main forums" and "Trade and services" sections of the foru | | ^^ Sorry for posting with multi. | Q: what's the difference between David Beckham and an Airfix model?
A: one's a glueless kit and the other's a clueless git | Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?" Holmes asked.
Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all-powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke.
"Watson, you idiot. Somebody has stolen our tent!" | 715
This one made my day for sure :D | a Coward girl had to pass by the cemetery at midnight ..
She waited until she saw a guy passing from there then she came close to him and walked by his side to conquer her fear ..
a Dog starts barking suddenly so she run and hug that guy and said please iam so scared of walking in the cemetery and am so scared of the dog..
He said don't worry it's normal , when i was alive , i used to be afraid of it too hahaha | for indians only :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nn5jlrxcpkI | | A minister was asked to dinner by one of his parishioners who was known for being a poor housekeeper. When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes were the dirtiest that he had ever seen in his life. "Have these dishes ever been washed?" he asked his hostess, running his fingers over the grit and grime. She replied, "They're as clean as soap and water could get them." He felt a bit apprehensive, but blessed the food anyway and started eating. It was really delicious and he said so, despite the dirty dishes. When dinner was over, the hostess took the dishes outside, whistled and yelled, "Here, Soap! Here, Water!" | | One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow tumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys in five different cars before he found his. Then he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone else left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy.” |
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