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| Author | Jokes !!! |
|---|
Girl: Which Laptop Do U Have..?
Boy : I Have A HP G-62 With Intel Core I3 Processor 2.3 Ghz,
Windows 7, 64 Bit..
2 Gb RAM & Intel 1 Gb Graphics Card..
And Which Laptop Do U Have..?
Girl: Pink Colour one... | A Blond In A Curtain Shop.
Blond: “I Want Those Pink Curtains For My
Computer”
Shop-Keeper: “But Computers Don’t Need
Curtains”
The Blond Replies: “Duh, I Have Windows“ | | :p | | For internet explorer users....Happy new year!! | | [Post deleted by moderator Elrond // Forum Rule 2.2: Abusive content] | Here's a joke..I changed it to fit lwm...
An elf ,a dark elf and a dwarve were travelling...on the way their caravan was ambushed by a group of tribals..
The tribals said DAT if the lords could stuff 10 fruits of one kind up their behind without making a sound.. they would leave them..
The Lords went to d forest to search for fruits..
The elf came first with oranges...half way thru he shouted and the tribals killed him..
Next the dark elf came with grapes..he stuffed 9 and was about to stuff the 10th one...but he started laughing..the tribals killed him too
In heaven the elf asked the de..why did he start laughing when he was almost done...
The de said.."i saw the dwarve coming with pine apples!!" | [Post deleted by moderator ElfPride // FR#4.2]
Player banned by moderator ElfPride until 2013-02-28 05:19:55 // FR#2.2 and #4.2 | | Sorry, The deletion of the above post was for FR#2.2 and not for FR#4.2 | | [Post deleted by moderator ElfPride // FR#2.2//Vulgar Language] | In this joke I will use USA, Russia and Romania, but you can change Romania to your country and if you are from USA or Russia you can use that as your country and use another powerful country, like China or I don't know..
So:
There is a competition in who builds the biggest plane in the world.
On a big track from Nevada lands the USA plane. The team gets off the plane and immediately come the authorities, the jury, the journalists, television, public (some hundreds curious people).
First question:
-How big is it?
-Well it's about 500m long...
-No, no.. we don't care about its measure. Tell us what does it have inside, so we can give it a mark.
-Ok! Well we have 1000 places on economic class, 200 places on business class, 50 VIP berths, 5 bars, 1 restaurant, mall, gim, billiards, bowling etc..
-Woow! Incredible! Don't tell me you have pool too..
-Yes we have, on the terrace..
-That's great!
And the jury gives them 10, 9, 10, 9...
Then the second contestant lands: a Russian plane (huge one). The team gets off the plane and questions start again:
-How big is it?
-Well it's 800 m long...
-No.. we don't care about its measure. Tell us what you have inside!
-Ook! We have: 1 infantry battalion, 1500 places, 1 scout squad, 1 engineer squad, 1 machine gun squad, we have paratroopers, of course, 3 tanks, 5 TABs, 10 cannons + howitzers, intendance, infirmary, canteen, ammunition depo..
-Wow, incredible! Do you have anything else?
-Oh, I almost forgot: rocket unit and chemical, radiological and bacteriological protection unit.
-That's amazing!
And the jury gives them 10, 9, 9.50, 10...
Then there arrives a team without plane.
The journalists ask:
-Who are you?
-We are the Romanian team.. I am the copilot, Vasile, the spokesman.
-And where is your plane? What happened?
-We didn't have any place to land on, we verified with Ggle Earth.. it doesn't work.. the place is too small here in Nevada.. but we brang the sketches.
-We don't care about dimensions, tell us what you have inside. USA has sport arrangements, Russia has tanks.. what do you have?
-Well, I will give you an example: on out first flight, we got off the ground, we took altitude.. and the left wing started to vibrate. We checked the dashboard and didn't see any problem. So the pilot told me: "Vasile, go and take your Logan (Romanian car) from the garage and go to the left wing and see what's happening there." And I take the Logan, I go to the left wing and what do I see there? It was a Romania-Spain soccer match, those supporters were making waves, throwing petards.. I checked the golf terrain, the tennis one and the athletism one and they were empty. So it was clear, the gravitational center was moved. We had to pause the soccer match, we told them to be more calm because we got off the ground. They whistled first, but then they got quiet. So I went back to my cabin. Right when I wanted to rest a little, the pilot tells me: "Vasile, take the Logan from the garage because now the right wing started to vibrate.". So I take my Logan again, I drive to the right wing and what do I see there? Within the NATO partnership, a Romanian unit and a German unit (both with tanks) were shooting in the polygon. Some were shooting while moving, some with short stops, close bends, so many engines.. of course the wing was vibrating.. I told some soldiers to shoot warning rockets..
The jury is very impressed:
-Wooow!
And copilot Vasile continues:
-Wait, that's nothing. I solved the problem with the right wing, I went back to the cabin and the pilot told me: "Vasile, it's draw in here for about 30 minutes. Go and check the aircraft tail, I think the cleaner left the bathroom window open. I took the Logan, I first went to a gas station because I was out of fuel.. then, when I got to the tail, it was already dark outside.. and the pilot was right! The bathroom had its door and its windows opened, the light was turned on, and around the bu | | and around the bulb there were flying the American and the Russian planes! | for ParaLeul:
Hehe, nice one, stimulates imagination :D | Inventions by Idiots
1) Inflatable dart board.
2) Glow-in-the-dark sunglasses.
3) A book on how to read.
4) Solar-powered flashlight.
5) Screen door on a submarine. | 3) A book on how to read.
Lol nice one XD | | Two men sitting on a bike and fight for window seat :P | A policeman studies a car after a theft. He looks at the broken window and then says:
-Hmm.. exactly as I anticipated. It is broken on both sides. | A panda walks into a bar and orders a sandwich and a beer. After seemingly enjoying his meal, he pulls out a revolver and plugs the piano player.
"What are you doing?" asks the bartender.
"I'm a panda, and I'm doing what I'm supposed to do. Look it up!" replies the panda as he walks out the door.
Wondering what that was all about, the bartender opens a dictionary, the only reference book he has, and there it is:
"Panda: A large bear-like animal. Eats shoots and leaves."
Forget about the past, you can't change it.
Forget about the future, you can't predict it.
Forget about the present, I didn't get you one.
Three old ladies meet on the street on a very stormy day. The wind was so strong and loud that they had difficulty in hearing each other.
"It's windy," said one.
"No, it's Thursday," said the next.
"So am I ", said the third. "Let's go and have a drink."
Player banned by moderator ElfPride until 2013-03-13 06:59:55 // FR#1.7//btw, the joke about past,present and future is good :) | | ^^Sorry for posting with multi, I forgot I'm not logged on main account. | TEACHER : Fred, your ideas are like diamonds.
FRED: You mean they're so valuable?
TEACHER: No, I mean they're so rare.
TEACHER: What does "coincidence" mean?
PUPIL: Funny, I was just going to ask you that. | René Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender says, "What will it be, whiskey?" Descartes says, "I think not!" And he disappears.
There are only three kinds of people in the world: Those who can count, and those who can't.
There are 10 kinds of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and those who don't. |
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