| Author | Jokes !!! |
|---|
when a man becomes rich he becomes naughty..
but
when a woman is naughty she becomes rich..
so true |
A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking.
The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large".
Then they walk around the ranch a little and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle.
The Texan immediately says, "We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows." The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field.
He asks, "And what are those?"
The Aussie asks with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas?" |
A fellow got up one Saturday morning with the odd feeling that something about this day was to be different.
Something unusual was about to happen today. He glanced out the window at the thermometer: 33 degrees.
He went downstairs - the clock had stopped at 3 o'clock.
He picked up the newspaper and read the date: the 3rd of the month.
Threes - that was it! He grabbed the paper and flipped it open to the racing section. Sure enough in the 3rd race, there was a horse named Trio!
The fellow hurried to the bank, drew out his life savings and bet it all on the horse to win.
The horse finished 3rd. |
The teacher advised the class that they start each day with the pledge of allegiance and instructed them to put their right hand over their hearts and repeat after her.
As she starts the recitation, she looks around the room, 'I pledge allegiance to the flag...' When her eyes fell on Johnny, she found he had his hand over the right cheek of his buttocks.
'Johnny, I will not continue until you put your hand over your heart.'
Johnny replied, 'But it is over my heart.'
After several attempts to get Johnny to put his hand over his heart, the teacher asked, 'Why do you think that is your heart?'
'Because every time my Grandma comes to visit, she picks me up and pats me here and says, 'Bless your little heart,' and my Grandma wouldn't lie!' |
A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each kid in the class the first half of the proverb and asked them to come up with the rest. Here is is how they answered:
It's always darkest before..... daylight savings times.
You can lead a horse to water but..... how?
Don't bite the hand that..... looks dirty.
A penny saved is..... not much.
Children should be seen and not..... spanked or grounded.
There is no fool like.....Aunt Edie.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you. Cry and.....you have to blow your nose. |
Four italians walk into a Spanish bar.
-4 Coca-cola Light, please!
-We don't have Light, but we can give you 4 Zero! |
wont let this plummet
once upon a time there was a competition
,,,
who can do the slice the smallest thing
there were 3 ppl
a chinese
a japanese
The Rajnikant
the chinese took a strand of hair and sliced it into half
*applause
the japanese took the half sliced hair and sliced into quarters
*wild applause
rajnnikant took his swrd and waved it a a mosquito but the mosquito escaped
* silence
the chinese said 'hah you misssed'
japanese --'man! what were you trying to do '
rajnikant "go ask that mosquito if he can still become a father ..."
ROFL |
"If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarhea... does the 5th person enjoy it?"
"At weddings old people poke me and say you're next, at funerals I do the same."
"If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen."
"If the #2 pencil is the best pencil, why is it #2?" |
| Two fish in a tank. One says: "How do you drive this thing?" |
@ 489
and the other one says," WOW!! A talking fish!!" |
@490
That kinda ruins it lol |
@490
Why would a talking fish be surprised that another fish talks?????
Bad logic...
:P |
haha I just stole something from that other old joke...
Two muffins were in the oven... The one turns to the other and says: " My goodness it's hot in here!!"
The other one says" WOW! A talking muffin!!"
lol |
Little Johnny and his family lived in the country, and as a result seldom had guests. He was eager to help his mother after his father appeared with two dinner guests from the office.
When the dinner was nearly over, Little Johnny went to the kitchen and proudly carried in the first piece of apple pie, giving it to his father who passed it to a guest. Little Johnny came in with a second piece of pie and gave it to his father, who again gave it to a guest.
This was too much for Little Johnny, who said, "It's no use, Dad. The pieces are all the same size." |
Jane had a system for labeling homemade freezer meals. She would carefully note in large clear letters, "Meatloaf" or "Pot Roast" or "Steak and Vegetables" or "Chicken and Dumplings" or "Beef Pot Pie."
Everyday when she asked her husband what he wanted for dinner, he never asked for any of those meals. She decided to stock the freezer with his various requests. What he really likes.
In Jane's freezer you'll see a whole new set of labels. You'll find dinners with neat little tags that say: "Whatever," "Anything," "I Don't Know," "I Don't Care," "Something Good," or "Food."
No more frustration for Jane because no matter what her husband replies when she asks him what he wants for dinner, it's there waiting. |
Mom: John, go and buy some timbers. But make sure they are good so test them before buying.
John goes to a shop and buys some timbers, then he comes back and hands them to his mother.
Mom: John, but I told you to make sure they are good.
John: I tested them and they were all good. |
once raknikanth was playing cricket and it started raining .
10 minutes later news showed: rain stopped due to cricket |
raknikanth
rajnikanth and , u know rajni is very famous 4 all this .
lol |
millions of years rajnikanth and god had a fight.
And today god is UP!
Remembered from rajni |
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday. |
