Forums-->Creative works-->
<<|<|24|25|26|27|28|29|30|31|32|33|34|>|>>
| Author | Jokes !!! |
|---|
| One day, an aeroplane cleaner was cleaning the cockpit. He saw a book there: 'How to fly an aeroplane for beginners: Volume I'. He opened the book and the first page said 'To start the engine, press the red button'. He did and the engine started. The turned over to the second page and it said 'To set aeroplane moving, press Blue button'. He did it and the plane started moving. Very excited, he turned to the next page, and it said 'To start flying, press the green button'. He did it and the plane flew into the sky. He was in the sky for 20 minutes and then the turned the book to the next page and it said 'To learn how to land the plane, buy Volume II at your nearest book vendor.' | The old szekler (if you don't know the term, just google it) is going on the road with a horse chariot. A hitchhiking student is asking him:
- The X city is far?
Szekler: No.
Student: Can you take me on the chariot? Because I'm very tired...
Szekler: Yes, of course.
And they travel for long-long hours and the student ask:
- The X city is still far away?
Szekler: NOW Yes!!! | During a parliament session in India, one of the MPs said "Once, a farmer asked 3 of his sons to fill the room with 100 Rs. he gave them. The first one brought hay and was unable to fill the entire room, the other brought cotton and even he was unable to fill the entire room. But the third brought an incense stick for Re. 1 and its fragrance filled the entire room. Our Prime Minister is such a man, he has filled the entire nation with his fragrance".
Then, one of the MPs sitting in the back row asked "All that is fine, but what about the rest Rs. 99?" | Once a man was driving in a foreign land, and got lost on a a country road. He had waken early in the morning, and had had no break since the beginning of his trip.
Being thirsty, he saw a small farm with a well.
"Great", he thought, "i'll get a drink".
So he pulled the brake and went to see if he could find some water.
But the well was deep, and he couldn't see if there was anything at the bottom.
Taking a small peb, he threw it in, and waited for a sound.
Silence..
He took a bigger stone, and threw that one in too.
No sound either.
At that point, he took a big nearby slab of stone and, with quite an effort, managed to throw it in the well too.
After a while, this time, he heard a sound "splash!". Happily, he got to the weel to descend the bucket, when a noise from behind startled him. He turned, to see an enormous cow, with red-blooded eyes, charging furiously toward him, like a hellhound looking for a prey, crying louds "MOOOH!".
Panicked, the man curled down beside the well, his heart beating in his throat, keeping just one eye open to watch powerlessly the mad bovine charging at him.
He already saw himself dead, when, just a step away from reaching him, the cow took a leap and jumped furiously into the well, still crying aloud.
Sweating and breathing heavily, the man was waiting to get himself togheter, when he heard the voice of a peasant calling at him.
With an effort, he stood up and slowly walked toward him.
"Hey", said the peasant, "have you seen my cow, around here?"
"YOUR COW!?" answered the man, "I think I have! It just charged at me with red-injected eyes, shouting like a demon-possessed creature and trying to splat me agains that very stone wall! And at the last minute, it leaped in the well as a damned getting back to hell! I tell you, I had the fright of my life!"
"Oh, no" Said the peasant calmly, "it can't be mine. You see, mine was thightly tied to a slab of stone near the well.." | | Superb one :p | for guyb:
nice one :)
But I have one question: if the cow that was running to the traveler was tied by the slab of stone, then why did the "splash" sound occurred? Because when it would have occurred, the stone should have stopped falling so the cow shouldn't have been pulled in the well. | | easy: there was another cow tied to slapstone. the enormous cow was angry that the other one was dropped in the well. :-) am i right? | But I have one question: if the cow that was running to the traveler was tied by the slab of stone, then why did the "splash" sound occurred? Because when it would have occurred, the stone should have stopped falling so the cow shouldn't have been pulled in the well.
still, if the stone is too heavy, it can pull the cow even if it is in water. | [Post deleted by moderator SV22 // Insulting administration. and not even a joke]
[Player banned by moderator SV22 until 2012-11-14 10:26:33 // insulting the administration] | | I think that Vlaer idea about the joke was a lot better. | TBI: 3 things:
1) splashes occour at surface, you don't know how far the water goes (and the stone keep sinking)
2) cords have some elastic properties, if long enough they can stretch up to a few metres
3) jokes are not always logical ;p | Actually, the jokes not logical. I mean if a stone has the potential to pull a cow down, that too while sinking in the water (where it experiences a buoyant force), it means that the stone should be many times heavier than the cow, which would make it impossible for the man to throw it. It would have been more logical if the animal was a dog or something.
Still, jokes are not meant to be logical :p | Yup, thanks for explanations. Jokes don't need to be logical, but the logic has to take you to a hidden funny answer like in this joke.
------------------------------
One rabbit goes to a shop:
-1 liter of carrots, please!
-You mean 1 kg of carrots.
-No, I want 1 liter of carrots.
-Either you don't know what you want or you're making fun of me! You don't ask correctly, I don't give you anything.
This happens for 1, 2, 3, ..., 7 days...
Then the rabbit comes one day and says:
-I want 1 kg of carrots.
-Eh, looks like you finally know what you want. Do you have a bottle?
----------------------------
P.S. my separators (---) are not long string violation, the rule states that it is a violation only if its purpose is for eye-catching or expressing the tone of the message, which isn't my case, they are plain separators, like a bar.
[Player banned by moderator Schwarzenegger until 2012-11-14 19:04:48 // Long String Violation. Relapse x3. Use space as separators. Using "-" as separators can be eye catching.]< | bazinga
[Player banned by moderator BrownBear until 2012-11-16 10:15:39 // FR 4.1. Flood] | | A guy with a huge orange head goes in to see a doctor. The doctor says, "How did you get such a huge orange head?" The guy says, "Well, one day I was walking down the beach when I tripped over an old lantern. A genie came out and said, I'll grant you three wishes, whatever you desire...what is your first wish?' I said, I'd like all the money I could ever spend.' The genie went Poof!', and there it was, all the money I could ever spend. Then he said, What is your second wish?' I said, I'd like a beautiful woman to love me, someone I could enjoy this money with.' The genie went Poof!', and there she was, a gorgeous girl who immediately loved me. Then the genie said, And what is your third wish?'...and I think this is where I went wrong...I said, I'd like a huge orange head.'" | | [Post deleted by moderator ElfPride // Duplicate post] | sorry for my last post, I pasted it by mistake instead of this one (some mods should delete it):
After the North American Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.
The guy from Corona sits down and says, “Hey Señor, I would like the world’s best beer, a Corona.”
The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
The guy from Budweiser says, “I’d like the best beer in the world, give me ‘The King of Beers,’ a Budweiser.”
The bartender gives him one.
The guy from Coors says, “I’d like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors.” He gets it.
The guy from Molson sits down and says, “Give me a Coke.” The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.
The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask, “Why aren’t you drinking a Molson’s?”
The Molson president replies, “Well, I figured if you guys aren’t drinking beer, neither would I.” | | hehehe... nice one. | Engineers and Managers
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes, you’re in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
You must be an engineer" says the balloonist.
"I am" replies the man. "How did you know."
"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it’s no use to anyone."
The man below says "you must be in management."
"I am" replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," says the man, "you don’t know where you are, or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault." | So I went to the doctor the other day for a check up. He called me this morning and said, "Splat, I have some bad news and some worse news."
"Oh my God! What's the bad news?"
"You only have 24 hours to live."
"What?! How could there possibly be any worse news?"
"Well, I forgot to call you yesterday." |
<<|<|24|25|26|27|28|29|30|31|32|33|34|>|>>Back to topics list
|
