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| Author | Jokes !!! |
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| lol awesome jokes guys :))) | Whew, when was the last time i got here :)
Joke's coming~ (This one bout politics)
X just graduated from High-school, and wanna find a job. And he ask for a job to his uncle who is a political party organizer
X: Uncle, can you find me a job?
U: High-school graduates? you can be a political party organizer! you can even become a president just by doing it!
X: Well, i just want a simple job, can i become an Elementary Teacher?
U: Uuh, to be anelementary teacher you must be at least university graduated son
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A poor farmer, Rich person, and political character eat's in a restaurant. When they come in, the waiter come to them and said "Sorry, we ran out of import meat"
The Farmer then Replied: "What does import meat?"
The Rich person replied too: "What does ran out mean?"
Finally the political character replied too: "What does sorry mean?"
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What does CHAOS mean?
Literally: A messed-up situation
Politically: Heavenly situation
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A scientist(?) are going to the sun by a rocket
Interviewer: Won't you be burned to death?
Scientist(?): Don't worry! i'm going there at night!
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A Certain Country (ACC) is asking for super-heroes for help, but no heroes agrees to help, here are their reason:
BATMAN: Import Tax too high to brought bat-mobile to ACC
SPIDERMAN: Too few tall building for gliding, even there's some, i'll just gonna stuck in the telephone and electricity cable scattered in ACC
INVISIBLE GIRL: Too shy to go to ACC, coz in ACC, even the most difficult thing such as debt, company money, country assets, and even truth itself can be invisible.
THE THING: People in ACC already have thicker skin than me, not only thick enough to repel bullet, but already thick enough to repel embarrassment
THE FLASH: ACC doesn't need me, just see for yourself, just for signing a simple paper, it may take even a week! they doesn't need a fast thing, they'll already be satisfied as long as their needs is fulfilled
SUPERMAN: Scared of pornography charges since his underwear is outside
AQUAMAN: The water are extremely polluted
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A negotiator is sent to mr. X to sent a gratitude
N: Here's the key to a Mercy S 320 for you sir
X: What?!? A BRIBE?!?!? i cannot accept this!
N: No it's just a thank you present from our company
X: No, i still won;t accept it!
N: Well, how about this then, you can buy the car!
X: Where the heck can i get a money that much?
N: NO! You can just buy it for $10!
X: Really? then it's not a bribe then, a transaction.
N: Yes!
Mr. X handed a $50 note
N: Here's the change
X: Oh no need for that, send 4 more car to my house with that.
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A Man want to graduate from the army training in just 3 day
Man: Sir, i want to graduate from here in 3 days
Coach: ARE YOU MAD?!?! YOU JUST GET HERE AND YOU WANT TO GRADUATE IN 3 DAYS?!?! DO SOMETHING NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE AND I'LL GRADUATE YOU!
The next day the man depart from the camp at dawn with a tank, and came back at dawn with the enemy tank. Seeing this, the coach is surprised, and of course had to fulfill his promise, so he graduate hi,
Coach: Whoa! How did you do that?!?
Man: Simple, i drove our tank to the border, the enemy drive their tank to the border too, so i put up a white flag, the enemy does too, then i tell the person driving the enemy tank "Wanna graduate from the army training in just 3 days? let's switch tank!"
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Mr.Z got blackmailed, it says like this
"We've sleep together once, if you don't want this secret to be published, send $10 Million to this account XXXXXXXXXXX"
Of course, Mr.Z scared that his rep will be tarnished, send the money.
It happens on and on fo | Whew, when was the last time i got here :)
Mr.Z got blackmailed, it says like this
"We've sleep together once, if you don't want this secret to be published, send $10 Million to this account XXXXXXXXXXX"
Of course, Mr.Z scared that his rep will be tarnished, send the money.
It happens on and on for several times, with the same reason and same account number. Then finally, Mr.Z asked
"Okay i'll send the money, but please tell me, when and where did we sleep together?"
"Okay, we sleep together at the representatives assembly. You sleep on your own chair, while i on my own chair"
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Understanding politics
Communism: You have 2 cow, you give them to the government, and the government sell the milk to you
Socialism: You have 2 cow, you give them to the government, and the government give the milk to you
Nazism: You have 2 cow, government shoot you and take the cow
Fascism: You have 2 cow, you milk the milk, and give half the milk to the government
Neo-idealism: You have 2 cow, you kill one, milk the other, and throw the milk to the river
Capitalism: You have 2 cow, you sold one, and buy a bull
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Y are going to cross the border. He's using a bike and carrying 2 big backpack. Of course, the borderline troops ordered him to stop
T: What's that on your backpack?
Y: Sand!
The troops doesn't believe it just like that, they searched for the backpack, and just like Y said, it's filled with sand. So he crosses the border
The next day, Y does the same thing. And whenever the troops ask what's on his backpack, he would say sand. And no matter how the troop search it, they only find sand.
Years and years have passed since Y stop crossing the border, and suddenly, one of the troops happen to find him enjoying life at the country
T: Hey you who always brought sand! It's just between you and me okay, i can't stop thinking of why did you cross the border while carrying that sand. And i suspect there's something that you smuggle, so tell me, what did you smuggle?
Y: BIKE!
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One more on the next post | | | Chuck Norris can bump a thread every 30 seconds | | The dwarves are finally going to arrive on .com!! | | XD | | I know the password of empire. | On man visits a shepherd which was with his sheep at grass.
-Hello mr.! Nice sheep you have!
-Well yes, they are nice! The white ones.
-And the black ones?
-They are nice too..
-And do they give you good milk?
-Yes, they give me a very good milk. The white ones.
-And the black ones?
-They give me good milk too..
-And do you get some good wool from them?
-Oh yes, they have one of the best wool. The white ones.
-And the black ones?
-They have one of the best wool too.
-But why do you always say about the white ones first?
-Well, the white sheep are mine.
-And the black ones?
-They are mine too.. | Teacher : U failure ! At ur age Bill gates stood first in the class
Student : Mind u, Sir, but at ur age hitler commited suicide.. | | ha ha | When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.
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Innkeeper: The room is $15. a night. It's $5. if you make your own bed.
Guest: I'll make my own bed.
Innkeeper: Good. I'll get you some nails and wood
Two Muffins were baking in an oven. One muffin turns to the other and says, "Holy Shit it's hot in here!" The other muffin says, "Holy Shit... A talking muffin!"
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Mr.Johnson and his secretary are on a train to Paris. They are just about to go to sleep when the secretary, who has the hots for her boss says in a seductive voice, I'm a little cold, could I borrow your blanket? The man says how would you like to be Mrs. Johnson for awhile? The secretary jumps at the chance and begins to get out of bed. Then he replies, good, then you can get your own damn blanket.
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A burglar breaks into a house. He sees a CD player that he wants so he takes it. Then he hears a voice "JESUS is watching you". He looks around with his flashlight wandering "What The HELL Was That?". He spots some $ on a table and takes it......Once again he hears a voice " JESUS is watching you". He hides in a corner trying to find where the voice came from. He spots a birdcage with a parrot in it! He goes over and asks " Was that your voice?". It said "YES". He then says "What's your name?". It says "MOSES". The burglar says " What kind of person names his bird moses??" The parrot replys "THE SAME PERSON THAT NAMES HIS ROTWEILER "JESUS".
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | A kindergarten teacher one day is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word "definitely" to them. To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asks them to use it in a sentence. The first student raised his hand and said "The sky is definitely blue". The teacher said, "Well, that isn't entirely correct, because sometimes it's gray and cloudy".
Another student says, "Grass is definitely green." The teacher again replies "If grass doesn't get enough water it turns brown, so that isn't really correct either."
Another student raises his hand and asks the teacher "Do farts have lumps?" The teacher looked at him and said "No...But that isn't really a question you want to ask in class discussion." So the student replies, "Then I definitely shit my pants."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the teacher calls his name.
"Yeah teach?" he replies.
"If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a shotgun, how many are left?" asks the teacher.
Matt answers "Well, teach, if I shoot one of them with a shotgun, the loud noise is gonna make them all fly off."
"No, Matt, there will be two left if you shoot one with a shotgun, but I like the way you're thinking." the teacher responds.
"Well, teach, I've got a question for you... There are 3 women that come out of an ice-cream parlor, one is biting her ice-cream cone, one is licking it, and one is sucking on it. Which one is married?"
The teacher, a little taken back by the question answers, "Well, uh, gee Matt, I guess the one that's sucking on the ice cream."
Matt replies "No teach, the one that has the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | A deep-sea diver is twenty feet below sea level when he sees another guy with no scuba gear. He goes down another thirty feet, and the guy with no equipment stays with him. He takes out a waterproof chalkboard and writes, "How the hell can you stay down this deep without equipment?" The guy takes the chalkboard and writes, "You !@#$%^&*, I'm drowning."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | | for Igles: ROFL | What does a camel in the desert?
-Troh-pah troh-pah
What does a camel on an inclined plane?
-(Troh-pah troh-pah)*cos(alpha) | cmon guys jokes! up this goes
who does not want a joke i an a hell o yeah supporter of this forum dont let the momentum down | Three friends die in a car accident, and upon their arrival to heaven, they are all asked,
"When you are in your casket and family and friends are mourning upon you,
what would you like to hear them say about you?"
The first man says,
"I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."
The second man says,
"I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge
difference in our children of tomorrow."
The last man replies,
"I would like to hear them say, 'LOOK! HE'S MOVING!'"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------One day a college professor was greeting his new college class.
He stood up in front of the class and asked if anyone in the class was a moron,
and if they were, they should stand.
After a minute a young man stood up.
The professor then asked the kid if he actually thought he was a moron.
The kid replied,
'No, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself'. |
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