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| Author | Jokes !!! |
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My teacher gave our class a project, to find a problem and answer these 5 questions:
What is the problem?
Why is there this problem?
When does this problem occur?
Who is affected by this problem?
Where does this problem occur?
How can we solve this problem?
What resources can we use to solve this problem? (min 4)
A classmate answered:
What is the problem
Food wastage
Who is affected by this problem?
No one! The people who live on the streets with no money gets more food to eat, garbage man earns more money!
When does this problem occur?
During Breakfast, lunch, recess, dinner, supper...
Where does this problem occur?
Anywhere
Why is there this problem?
People in DCs have too much money to spend and they buy too much food
How can we solve this problem?
By starting a riot in the middle East! By starting a riot, food prices will go up and people will buy less food! Therefore, there will be less food wastage!
What resources can we use to solve this problem?
1) 101 ways to start a riot
2) Riots for dummies
3) Guides to start riots
4) Food prices graph. | In the same game, the one as said before, some created a thread and posted:
How would one go about buying a lifetime's worth of hero days? I have all this cash I don't want to donate to Japan.
A person answered:
Real heroes help Japan.
Cause Japan makes awesome games... and electronical devices that make you go "Oowaahhh! This shit be all bleeping and have buttons inside of buttons. I hit one button and I think it got my best friend pregnant!"
He replied
No wai man, shit be all beepin? (game name) doesn't even beep, I want that.
OK crow close thread I donate to Japan now. | If this has been posted before, I apologize, I'm too lazy to check, but I don't think it has.
An English guy was very ill and his son went to visit him in the hospital. Suddenly, the father began to breathe heavily and grabbed the pen and pad by the bed. With his last ounce of strength he wrote a note, dropped it, and died.
The son was so overcome with grief that he didn't remember slipping the note into his pocket. At the funeral, he reached into the pocket of his coat and immediately felt the note. He excitedly read it thinking it might be something he could recite during the service. It said:
"GET OFF MY OXYGEN PIPE!!! " | So there was this girl and one day she was walking pass a train station when she saw another fellow girl jumping up and down the train tracks happily while saying
"23, 23, 23, 23, 23"
So, this girl got curious and went over to ask the other girl. "Hey, why are you jumping up and down the tracks while repeating 23 23 23?"
The other girl replied, "Well, its fun... You should try it too"
And this girl was curious enough to try it. So after 5 minutes both of them were jumping up and down the tracks happily all the time while saying "23 23 23 23"
All of a sudden, a non-stopping train came. The original girl that was jumping got out of the trains way and wasn't hurt. The curious girl, though wasn't so lucky and
died on the spot.
after the train past, the remaining girl smiled as if nothing had happened and went back to the train tracks, but this time repeating "24 24 24 24"
---
A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes
is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car
won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" Another few days go by, and it's raining
pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" The
next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix
them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with
him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"
---
(Ok next one will be short)
someone walks in to the doctors office: "doctor doctor help ! I've only got 58 seconds to live !
doctor: one minute plz. | ok... i have a good one...
there was 3 bros
1 called poo
1 called shut the hell up
and 1 called manners.
poo got run-over
manners went to help him and shut the hell up when to the police and said...
"help!my bro has been run-over."
the cop askes his name
shut the hell up said his name...
the cop said"where's your manners?"
shut the hell up said"round the corner picking up poo!" :P | | there was a blond going to a business meeting so the day before she hops on the plane and goes to the city its in and gets a hotel room the next day she doesn't show up so the boss calls her to see whats wrong she said "there are three doors in her room one is the bathroom one is the closet and one says do not disturb on it" | | for porthios: we all ready have one like that. | There once was a young couple who lived in a town filled with crime. After three neighbors' houses had been robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog.
So one day the wife went to the pet store and said, “I need a good guard dog.”
And the clerk replied, “Sorry, we're all sold out. All we have left is this little Scottie dog. But he knows karate.”
The wife didn't believe him so he said to the dog, "Karate that chair.”
The dog went up to the chair and broke it into pieces, then he said to the dog, “Karate that table.” The dog went up to the table and broke it in half.
So the wife bought the dog and took it home to her husband who was expecting a big guard dog. But then she told her husband that it knew karate, and he said yeah... “Karate my ass!” | | for Ace-of-spades: ha ha ha. | I didn't read all these jokes, hope these have not been already written:
World War II: Germans are attacking Russia. Ivanov doesn't know what to do so he jumps into a well and waits. A German shouts in the well:
-Hello!
Then he hears from the well like an echo:
-Hello!...
Then the German says:
-Is anybody there?
-Is anybody there?...
-I'd better go into the forest.
-I'd better go into the forest...
-Or I'd better throw a bomb into the well!
-Or you'd better go into the forest...
-------------------------------------
Three turtles are going to a picnic. After they walk 1 mile they realized that they left the lights turned on at home so they decide that one of them has to go back to turn them off. Nobody wants to go back because the other two could eat the food while it's going home so they make a promise that they'll not eat anything while the one of them is going to turn off the lights so they draw one of them to go. So one turtle goes and the other two are waiting. They are waiting 1 day, 2 days, 5 days, 1 week, 5 weeks, 10 weeks, 6 months, 2 years, 10 years, 50 years, 100 years and the third turtle doesn't come back. So the two turtles say:
-Well, we can't die here without eating anything, perhaps something happened to the third turtle and we can't wait forever, we have to eat to keep ourselves alive.
So they dispatch their food and they don't even touch anything and the third appears behind a tree:
-I knew you'll eat the food without me!
-------------------------------------
A cowboy can't find his horse and walks into a bar with his gun ready to shoot:
-If you don't give me the horse right now, I'll do what my father did in Kansas!
Everybody makes silence and 3 boys are going outside and brings him the horse to calm him down and avoid any trouble. The cowboy is leaving and people are asking him, by curiosity, what did his father do in Kansas.
-Well, he walked by feet.
-------------------------------------
A man walks to a market and asks the seller:
-Could you please give me 1 kg of oranges, and put each one in a different bag?
-Yes, of course.. - and is doing by his customer's wishes.
-Could you also give me 2 kg of apples, and put each one in a different bag?
-Yes, my pleasure..
-And what is that green thing over there?
-It's pea, but it's not for sale!!
-------------------------------------
A man walks into a bar and buys a beer. Then, a cool guy is making fun of him and drinks his bear. This man starts crying and the other tells him:
-Hey, come on, you're a men, you're not supposed to cry, I just drank you beer..
-Well, this morning my wife left me and took everything from my house, then she emptied my credit card, afternoon my boss fired me, then I wanted to suicide on the railway, but the train took other way, then I wanted to hang myself, but the rope has broken, then I wanted to shot myself but the gun has blocked and with my last money I bought some poison and a beer, put the poison in the beer and now you come and drink my beer.. Now do you understand me?
-------------------------------------
The pessimist sees the darkness around him.
The optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel.
The realist sees the lights of a train coming to them.
The train mechanic sees 3 idiots staying on the railway.
-------------------------------------
Sir: -John, go outside and water the flowers!
John: -But, Sir, it's raining outsie..
Sir: -No problem, take an umbrella.
-------------------------------------
A skeleton walks into a bar:
-A beer and a mop! | Three turtles are going to a picnic. After they walk 1 mile they realized that they left the lights turned on at home so they decide that one of them has to go back to turn them off. Nobody wants to go back because the other two could eat the food while it's going home so they make a promise that they'll not eat anything while the one of them is going to turn off the lights so they draw one of them to go. So one turtle goes and the other two are waiting. They are waiting 1 day, 2 days, 5 days, 1 week, 5 weeks, 10 weeks, 6 months, 2 years, 10 years, 50 years, 100 years and the third turtle doesn't come back. So the two turtles say:
-Well, we can't die here without eating anything, perhaps something happened to the third turtle and we can't wait forever, we have to eat to keep ourselves alive.
So they dispatch their food and they don't even touch anything and the third appears behind a tree:
-I knew you'll eat the food without me!
This was written earlier too :)
A man walks into a bar and buys a beer. Then, a cool guy is making fun of him and drinks his bear. This man starts crying and the other tells him:
-Hey, come on, you're a men, you're not supposed to cry, I just drank you beer..
-Well, this morning my wife left me and took everything from my house, then she emptied my credit card, afternoon my boss fired me, then I wanted to suicide on the railway, but the train took other way, then I wanted to hang myself, but the rope has broken, then I wanted to shot myself but the gun has blocked and with my last money I bought some poison and a beer, put the poison in the beer and now you come and drink my beer.. Now do you understand me?
Ha Ha Ha!!!
The pessimist sees the darkness around him.
The optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel.
The realist sees the lights of a train coming to them.
The train mechanic sees 3 idiots staying on the railway.
How TRUE!!! | A teacher was teaching the students antonym.
Teacher: You lots just have to says the antonym of the words i said, capice?
Students: Yes teacher.
T: Clever
S: Stupid
T: Tall
S: Short
T: Far
S: Near
T: Victorious
S: Win
T: That's wrong!
S: This's Right!
T: STUPID!
S: CLEVER!
T: NO!
S: YES!
T: Oh god
S: Aye servant
T: Listen to this....
S: Hear to that.....
T: SHUT UP!!
S: BE NOISY!!!
T: That's not a question stupid
S: This's an answer clever
T: DAMMIT!!
S: BLESS THAT!!
T: YOU'RE ALL INSANE!!!
S: WE'RE HALF SANE!!
T: ENOUGH! ENOUGH!
S: MORE! MORE!
T: STOP IT ALREADY!
S: CONTINUE IT NOT YET!
T: Why are you all so stupid?
S: Because i'm a clever one
T: OH! You're all against me now?!?
S: OH! i'm alone succumb you later?!?
T: ILL-MANNERED KIDS!
S: WELL-BEHAVED ADULTS!
T(given up): OK, the lesson is finished
S: KO, The lesson haven't started
T: Enough, stupid!
S: More, Clever!
T: STAND!
S: SIT DOWN!
T: You're an idiot
S: We're a cunning person
T: MESSED-UP BRAIN!!
S: PROPER BARIN!!
T: YOU ALL WERE DETAINED THIS NOON!!
S: We're alone released that midnight
T: (Given up, walked out of the class)
Thsi is was funny stry :D
#176 | The lion wants to hear some good jokes so he makes a competition where every animal from the jungle has to come up with a joke and if there's at least one animal that doesn't laugh at one's joke, the joke teller shall be eaten by the lion.
The rabbit had thought all the week for a good joke and then, finally, the jokes day arrives.
The fox comes the first and tells a good joke so everybody starts laughing.
Then the raccoon comes up with a joke which is so bad that nobody laughs, so the lion eats him.
Then the rabbit comes and he tells a joke that everybody is rolling on the ground laughing with the exception of the giraffe, which stays serious. So the lion says:
-Well, rabbit, your joke was very good but I have to keep my promise and I have to eat you because the giraffe didn't laugh.
So he eats the rabbit.
Then, the hedgehog comes with a joke that nobody laughs except for the giraffe who can't stop laughing. So the lion asks the giraffe:
-Oh, come on, you didn't laugh at the rabbit's joke which was so funny and you laugh at this poor joke?
-Well, I've just got rabbit's joke, it's so funny!! | | The lesbians next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday. Very nice, but I think that might have misunderstood when I said I wanna watch... | W: Did you go shopping?
H: Bad command or filename.
W: But I asked you to do so in the morning.
H: Syntax Error. Abort?
W: Not even the new TV?
H: Variable not found.
W: Ok, give me the credit card, I'll go shopping!
H: Sharing Violation. Access denied!
W: Are you talking serious, are you joking or are you trying to make me angry?
H: Too many parameters...
W: How did I marry you?
H: Data type mismatch.
W: But when are you taking your salary?
H: File in use. Try later.
W: You're making me ask.. What do I really mean to you?
H: Unknown Virus | | for TBI: ha ha ha... | Making a baby. This is hilarious!
There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny!--
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'
'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs.. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'
'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'
'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat'.
After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'
'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'
'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'
'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'
'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.
'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'
'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.
'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'
'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.
'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'
'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'
'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'
'Tripod?'
'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'
Mrs. Smith fainted | | Ha!!! ha ha | At lunch, the student sits near the teacher to eat. The teacher says:
-The swan doesn't stay near the pig!
And the student replies:
-Then I'm flying out of here!
At the exam, the teacher asks him some questions and the student answers all of them correctly. The teacher reminds about what the student made at that lunch so he asks him:
-If you are walking on the street you'd find a bag of money and a bag of intelligence, what would you pick?
-I'd pick the bag with money.
-Well, I'd take the bag with intelligence.
-Everybody takes what he doesn't have!
The teacher, angered, writes "NOOB" on his exam report and the student exits the room. Then, when he wants to see his mark, he sees "NOOB", so he returns and tells the teacher:
-I'm sorry, you signed yourself on the paper, but you forgot to put my mark! | | nyc 1 TBI :D |
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