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| Author | Jokes !!! |
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a better ending:
the elf draws bow and two arrows to the string, kills both other heroes in the blink of an eye only to find the devil and god were just hungry heroes arguing over apples... oops... and fades back into the forest. | 1 day at kinder garten...
Teacher: Today we gonna talk about ambition. What is ur ambition Lina
Lina: i'm goin to be a housewife n have cute kids.
Teacher: good. and how about u Jack?
Jack: i wanna help Lina achieve his ambition... | Guys !!
SIT,
STUDY
&
KEEP LORDSWM OFF . . .
*The above stunts r performd by trained
professionals under controlled environments.
Plz "DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME" | for -_NO--NAME_-: gr8!
for TriEdge:
Jack: i wanna help Lina achieve his ambition...
I think its I wanna help Lina achieve her ambition... |
I think its I wanna help Lina achieve her ambition...
i think thats a lifestyle choice | stolen from taintedwulf's site :P
The Marriage:
Boy: Yes! At last. It was so hard to wait.
Girl: Do you want me to leave?
Boy: NO! Don't even think about it.
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Of course! Over and over!
Girl: Have you ever cheated on me?
Boy: NO! Why are you even asking?
Girl: Will you kiss me?
Boy: Every chance I get!
Girl: Will you hit me?
Boy: Are you crazy? I'm not that kind of person!
Girl: Can I trust you?
{After Marriage}
Read the conversation from bottom to top! | @ 346
Lol It was superb :D | | @346 i think it is already given before also | rofl
nice one -_NO--NAME_- | What is the biggest lie in the entire universe?
"I have read and agree to the Terms of Service" | for Soturi570:
:D couldn't it just be "I agree..."?! | In the middle of the night, John knocks at Will's door.
Will wakes up, walks to the door and sees John desperate, so he asks him:
-What's the problem?
-Do you have a bucket of green dye?
-No, I don't.
And he goes back to sleep.
After 5 minutes, John comes again and knocks at Will's door.
Will wakes up again, walks again to the door and asks John:
-What's the problem now?
-I brought you a bucket of green dye. | | | chuck norris planted druks at farmvile sell it at mafia wars and the money played poker | "If I was an artist,
you would be my picture!
If I was a poet,
you would be my inspiration!
If I was an author you would be my story!
But I'm only a cartoonist!" | two girls are quarreling for a seat in a local train, then one young boy come up and said, who is elder among you should sit.
think what happened after that?
both girls stood all the way journey. | Heres one
A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a dog in his shop and shoos him away. Later, he notices the dog is back again. He walks over to the dog, and notices the dog has a note in his mouth. The butcher takes the note, and it reads, “Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please.”
The butcher looks, and lo and behold, in the dog’s mouth, there is a ten dollar bill. So the butcher takes the money, puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, and places it in the dog’s mouth. The butcher is very impressed, and since it’s closing time, he decides to close up shop and follow the dog.
So, off he goes. The dog is walking down the street and comes to a crossing. The dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the crossing button.
Then he waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to change. They do, and he walks across the road, with the butcher following. The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable.
The butcher is in awe at this stage. The dog checks out the times, and sits on one of the seats to wait for the bus. Along comes a bus. The dog walks to the front of the bus, looks at the number, and goes back to his seat. Another bus comes. Again the dog goes and looks at the number, notices it’s the right bus, and climbs on.
The butcher, by now open-mouthed, follows him onto the bus. The bus travels thru town and out to the suburbs. Eventually the dog gets up, moves to the front of the bus, and standing on his hind legs, pushes the button to stop the bus. The dog gets off, groceries still in his mouth, and the butcher still following.
They walk down the road, and the dog approaches a house. He walks up the path, and drops the groceries on the step. Then he walks back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -whap!- against the door. He goes back down the path, takes another run, and throws himself -whap!- against the door again!
There’s no answer at the door, so the dog goes back down the path, jumps up on a narrow wall, and walks along the perimeter of the garden. He gets to a window, and bangs his head against it several times. He walks back, jumps off the wall, and waits at the door.
The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts laying into the dog, really yelling at him.
The butcher runs up and stops the guy. “What the heck are you doing? This dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for God’s sake!”
To which the guy responds, “Clever, my foot! This is the second time this week he’s forgotten his key!” | Heres another one:
A couple were going out for the evening. They’d got ready, all dolled up, cat put out, etc.
The taxi arrives, and as the couple got out, the cat shoots back in. They don’t want the cat shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the cat out.
The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver “He’s just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.”
A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab -”Sorry I took so long” he says, “Stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!” | | ^^ lol | Heres another one:
During Marine Basic Training Camp a Captain received information that the mother of one of the recruits had passed away. The Captain calls Sergeant Black into his office and tells him, “When you line up the troops this morning you need to inform Private Jones that his mother died.”
“Yes Sir!” says Black. That morning as the men were lined up Black bellows out, “Hup, hey, ho, ho. Jones your mother died.” Jones falls over with a heart attack.
A month later the Captain calls Black into his office and says, “Black, you need to tell Private Smith his mother died. But this time use some tact. I don’t want to lose another good recruit.
“Yes Sir!” Black answers.
This time when the men are lined up Black yells out, “Okay. All you men with living mothers take one step forward - NOT SO FAST, SMITH!” |
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