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| Author | Jokes !!! |
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Orthopedic Joke:
Sardar said to doctor:
On whole body
Where ever I touch
I feel pain,😒
Doctor suggested full body Xray,
when doctor checked Xray, he found fracture in “Forefinger”👆😆😝 | A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide." 
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now. That's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription." | Three friends, a blonde, a redhead and a brunette, go shopping at a flea market.
They found a magic mirror that told them this "each of you has to say something about herself, if it's true I'll grant you a wish but if it's false I'll kill you ".
The ladies agreed, and the redhead said "i have the cutest boyfriend" and the mirror killed her.
It was the turn of the brunette, and she said "i have the prettiest car " and the mirror killed her.
then it was the blonde, who said "wait I'm thinking " and the mirror killed her too. | Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship.
"Follow me son" the father shark said to his son, and they swam to the mass of people.
"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing."
And so they did.
"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing."
And so they did.
"Now we charge at them while half of our backs is showing and we eat everybody."
And so they did.
once the feast was over, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?"
and his father replied, "Because those things taste better if you purge them!" | A man goes to the doctor worried about his wife's temper.
The doctor asks, “What’s the problem?”
The man says, “Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every day my wife seems to lose her temper for no reason. It scares me.”
The doctor says, “I have a cure for that. When it seems that your wife is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don’t swallow it until she either leaves the room or calms down.”
Two weeks later, the man comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
The man says, “Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my wife started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and she calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?”
The doctor says, “The water itself does nothing. It’s keeping your mouth shut that does the trick.” | | real nice ones guyb. cool. and nice one bheem :) | | funny guyb :) | | haha that was funny.. | | Ahahah, thanks for the jokes, nice ones ;) | what rock group has 4 members who don't do anything?
mount rushmore | jaggery doesn't give u diabetes. sugarcane
#pun | *this one is pretty racist, don't read it if you're easily offended*
Hitler and Himmler are having a drink in a pub, discussing plans for the Third Reich.
A guy walks in, gets a beer at the counter, walks over to them and says:
"So, Hitler, what you're up to these days?"
Hitler says: "Well, we're gonna kill 6 million jews... and 2 clowns"
The guy smirks and says "2 Clowns? Why??"
Hitler turns to Hummler and says: "See? Noone cares about the jews..." | yo mama joke:
Yo mama so black and fat, she's a black hole..
[Or I think that is the wordings] | | Amazing ones guyb XD | So there is this really rich guy , he gambles and makes tons of money, so he's called over to the IRS , to investigate where he got all his money, he takes his lawyer with him , and when they arrive , the agent starts asking him questions
Agent: what do you work , where do you get all this money from ?
Gambler: Well Im a professional gambler Ive been doing it for 20 years
Agent: No Job ? just gambling ?
Gambler: Yep just gambling, here Ill show you, I bet you 100$ that I can take my eye out
The agent thinks to himself , this must be some joke , so he takes the bet and says he cant do so, the gambler proceeds to take out his glass eye as the agent is surprised and pissed off for losing 100$!
the gambler feels sorry for him , so he gives him annother chance to take his money back
Gamlber: ok now , I bet you 200 $ that I can bite my own eye
the agent thought this was an attempt to trick him so he took the bet
The gambler proceeds to take off his denture(fake teeth usually for old people) and closes it on his glass eye
The agent is stunned and mad
So the gambler gives him a last chance:
Gambler: You see that bin over there ? I bet you 700$ that I can pee in it without getting a single drop outside
The agent agrees as a final attempt ,since there is no way he can do that
The gambler stands on the desk , and starts peeing all over the place , making a huge mess , so the agent starts laughing and is very happy for winning his money back , and more, but the gambler didnt react...
Agent:: why arent you sad you lost your money ?
Gambler: Well before I went into your office I bet my lawyer 5000$ that Ill pee all over your desk and you'll be happy about it ! | | amazing one bro xD | | really nice one bro !! | | Once there was a beautiful blonde girl who was damn smart. | Devochkamoya Bad Dream:
"Father, I had bad dream"
You take sip of vodka and roll over. You are stare at clocktower on Sobornaya Square. Is 3:23. "Go back to sleep, is much work tomorrow." "No, Father." Familiar warm buzz of vodka starts to sink in. Can barely make out devochka's pale form in the darkness. "Why is that, devochka moya?" "Because in dream, when I was about to go back to sleep, thing wearing Mother's skin sat up." You pause, face your daughter and look at her intensely. Figure behind you begin to stir.
"Don't talk that way about your brother, is not his fault we have no money for coats. Such is life in Moscow."
Based on: http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Bad_Dream
:) | Lenin Statue:
Mother and father get little tired from building Communism, so they want to go to Moscow to buy vodka. They call most trusted babysitter. When babysitter arrives, children already sleep in beds. Babysitter just sits around and make sure everything good with children. Later that night, babysitter gets bored and goes to read Marx, but she can’t read downstairs because there’s no electricity (parents dodn’t want children reading Marx all night long). So, she calls parents and asks if she can get candles to read Marx in their room. Of course, the parents say it okay, but babysitter has one final request. She ask if she could cover up Lenin statue outside the bedroom window with blanket or cloth, because it makes her nervous. Phone line is silent for moment, and father who say, "Take children and get out of house. We will call milita. We do not have Lenin statue." Militia find all three of house occupants dead because KGB kill them for trying to cover Lenin statue. Then militia arrest parents for not having Lenin statue. Such is life in Moscow.
Based on: http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/The_Statue |
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