Forums-->Creative works-->
<<|<|51|52|53|54|55|56|57|58|59|60|61|>|>>
| Author | Jokes !!! |
|---|
In a School teacher notices a girl wearing half skirt, so he asks:
Teacher: Mona! Stand up.
Mona: Yes sir?
Teacher: Why are you wearing half skirt today?
Mona: Because its half day at school Sir..
Boys from behind -> Sirr...... please call us on holiday too naa..)) | What food do shrews like the most?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Mushrewms! :D
Player banned by moderator ElfPride until 2015-09-27 14:26:18 // 4.2.1//Abuse of capitalization, redundant letters, words or symbols in headers and messages are forbidden. | ^
Ah I am very sorry, did not know that was not allowed! :) | Parachute training
recruit: "sergeant, how do i know when it's the right time to open parachute?"
sergeant: "well boy: look at cows. When a cow looks like an ant, it's still too early. When a cow looks like a cow, then it's the right time. And when the ant looks like a cow, then it's just too late.." | from the net:
A serious drunk man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her.
She jumped up and slapped him badly.
He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her.
"Why, you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no-good drunk!" she screamed
"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her. | from the net:
A child asked his father, "How were people born?"
So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on".
The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now".
The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!"
His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family" | | :D | halloween special:
Two monsters went to a Halloween party.
Suddenly one said to the other, “A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?”
“Be a gentleman and roll them back to her.” | An old guy walks into a chemist's and asks for some Viagra. The chemist asks :
- How many pills do you need ?
- Only 4 or 5. I will split them into 4 pieces each
- Oh sir, I'm afraid that with such a small dose you won't be able to sustain an erection long enough to... ehm... you see ?
- Hey I'm over 80 years old, this is nothing sexual. I just want to raise it enough so I don't pee on my slippers ! | | French jokes | I've got one from Gran Torino movie:
A Mexican, a Jew, and a colored guy go into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Get the f**k out of here." | who is this?
He is fat, with a white beard and a sleigh full of gift pulled by reindeers.
And dressed in green coat with a green bonnet. | | (an unripen Santa :) ) | On New Year's Eve, a girl suddenly stood up in the local pub full of couples and said :
"time to get ready! at the stroke of midnight, i want every husband to be standing nearest to the ONE person who made their life Worth living!"
As the clock struck - the bartender was almost crushed to death. | Getting out of the bar on New Year's Eve, a man was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left his van in the car park and walked home. As he was wobbling along, he was stopped by a policeman. 'What are you doing out here at four o'clock in the morning?' asked the police officer.
'I'm on my way to a lecture,' he answered .
'And who on earth, in their right mind, would be going to give a lecture at this time on New Year's Eve?' enquired the constable sarcastically.
'My wife,'
--
A candidate to the white house was once asked about his attitude toward whisky.
'If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it. But if you mean the elixir of a New Year toast, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise.' | A woman was taking an afternoon nap on New Year's Eve before the festivities. After she woke up, she confided to her husband, 'I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year's present. What do you think it all means?'
'Aha, you'll know tonight,' he answered smiling broadly.
At midnight, as the New Year was chiming, the husband approached his wife and handed her a small package. Delighted and excited she opened it quickly. There in her hand rested a book entitled: 'The meaning of dreams'.
New Year's Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.
(Mark Twain)
A married couple had been out shopping for most of the day. Suddenly the wife realised that her husband had "disappeared". Somewhat irate she called her husband's mobile and demanded, 'Where are you?'
Husband: 'Darling, do you remember that little jewellery shop where you saw that beautiful diamond necklace and totally fell in love with it
but I didn't have the money at that time and I said "Darling it'll be yours one day."'
Wife, tremulously, 'Yes, I do remember that my love.'
Husband, 'Well I'm in the Pub next to that shop.'
Happy new year!! | | Nice ones, haha ! Those couple fights are so classic and still funny :P | http://i.imgur.com/GeFsppB.jpg
Sorry! xD | What's the hardest part eating a vegetable?
The wheelchair! xD | | Clan #734 is not called Real fact |
<<|<|51|52|53|54|55|56|57|58|59|60|61|>|>>Back to topics list
|
