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| Author | Jokes !!! |
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Five Important Qualities
1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other. | What's the difference between a bachelor & a married man?
Bachelor comes home, see's what's in the fridge & goes to bed.
Married man comes home, see's what's in the bed & goes to the fridge. | What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito ?
If you slap the mosquito, it will stop sucking.
But if you slap the blonde, she will continue sucking harder. | Einstein, Pascal and Newton are playing 'hide and seek'.
While Eintein turns to the wall and counts to 100, Pascal runs to hide.
Newton stands right behind Einstein, draws a square on the ground, and stands in the center of it.
When Einstein reaches 100, he turns back and immediately shouts: "Newton, I found you!"
Newton replies: "Oh, no you didn't! You found Newton in a square meter. You found Pascal!" | @1084
euh.. O.o
*opens math, physics, chemestry books*.. hum.. yeah.. mumble.. I think.. but maybe.. could be..
yeah, sure, funny that! =.= | | 1 Pa = N/(m^2) | A man is drinking some beer in a bar and he wants to make a conversation with anyone. So he says to a solid woman near him:
-Do you wanna hear a good joke with blondes?
She says with a low tone voice:
-Before you say it, I we should clarify some details: I'm blonde, 88kg, continental judo champion. The girl near me is blonde, 78 kg, airforce officer. The girl near her has 85 kg, weightlifter and, you guessed right, also blonde. Soo, u sure you still wanna say that joke?
The man thinks a little and says:
-Mmm, no, not really. I'm not in the mood to explain the joke three times. | In a tank unit, new recruiters are presented for the first time a tank.
The lieutnant starts:
-This tank is a T-55, made in URSS. Any questions?
Nobody asks anything.
-On the tank, there is a grenade thrower with a caliber of 120. Any questions?
Nobody asks anything.
-Also, on the tank there is a radio station. Any questions?
A soldier raises his hand slowly.
-Yes, soldier, say it!
-Is the radio station on lamps or transistors?
-For stupid people like you, I'm gonna repeat one more time: it's on the tank!! | I don't remember if I already posted this one or not..
Wife and husband had a bad dog. They decide to get rid of him. The husband takes the dog in his car and drives him some streets away, and throws him there. After 2 hours, the dog is back at their door.
The second day, he takes the dog some neighborhoods away, leaves the dog there and comes back. After 3 hours, the dog is back at their door.
The next day, he goes to downtown, he goes on many streets and leaves the dog there. After 4 hours, the telephone rings at home. The wife answers. Husband: -Dear, did the dog come back home? -Yes, he's back. -Put him on the phone cause I'm lost.. | | Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. They pitch their tent under the stars and go to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night, Holmes wakes Watson up and says: "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see." / "I see millions and millions of stars." / "And what do you deduce from that?" / "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." / "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent!" | ^ @224, @715
so many jokes here that it's hard to remember what was already posted and what wasn't. | | yeah lol :P | | knock knock :D | what did the carrot say to the radish?
who's there? xD | | no way, nobody?:D | | A cowboy enters a saloon, goes to the bar and orders a whiskey. The barman serves him the whiskey and before the cowboy gets the chance to drink, a little monkey shows up out of nowhere and sticks its tail into the whiskey, then runs away and disappears. The cowboy is disgusted and leaves. The next day the cowboy enters the same saloon and orders the same drink. The same monkey comes again and sticks its tail into his drink, just before disappearing again. The cowboy gets angry and leaves. The third day the cowboy is determined to teach the monkey a lesson and goes to the same saloon once again. He orders his drink and waits. The little monkey shows up out of nowhere, sticks its tail into his drink with lightning speed and runs away so fast that the cowboy didn't get a chance to catch it. The cowboy is very angry, stands up and shouts "Just whose is this damned monkey ?" and the Barman answers him "That monkey belongs to our pianist". The cowboy looks at the pianist and starts approaching him. The pianist was playing a track very skillfully and he seemed too focused on his melody, but the cowboy didn't care and went to talk to him. "Hey, do you know that your monkey sticks its tail in my drink ?" asks the cowboy with a glow in his eyes. The pianist touches his mustache for a second and answers "Well, I don't know it, but if you sing it to me I can play it !". | | A short one: The police officer goes into the library | The police officer goes into the library
Excellent :o)
A woman is waiting on a stretcher in a hospital for a small surgical procedure. Time is going by and she's wondering what's taking so long.
A guy wearing a white coat comes, lifts the sheet covering her, and takes a look. He drops the sheet, goes over to other white coats and talks to them. A second man walks over, lifts the sheet, examins her and walks away. When a third man comes, lifts the sheet and looks at her, she starts getting restless :
- Hey, all these check-ups are nice and all, but when is the actual surgery performed ?
- How should I know, we're just here to paint the walls. | Two Men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke He asks the other guy if he has a lighter He replies "Yes I do!" and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter Surprised the guy asks "Where did you get this?"
The guy replies "Oh I have a personal genie."
The first man asks "Can I make a wish? " Sure says the other man "Just make sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at hearing" "Ok I will" says the other as he rubs the lamp a genie appears and asks the man what he wants The man says " I want a Million Bucks " The genie says OK and goes back to his bottle and 10 seconds later a million ducks fly over head And the guy says to the other " Your genie realy sucks at hearing doesnt he?"
The other man replies "I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC" | | This woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?" "What dear," she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth. "I think you're bad luck....." |
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